November 11 and 12 ... OJT 101

NOVEMBER 11.2008

log in: 1pm
log out: 7:23pm

nagdelineate si sir louie ng tasks today...
andami nmin kailangn maaccomplish... uber! we have two major projects coming up.. and we a the photoshoot this saturday... rarr..

as usual ang assignment ko ay mglayout...
pwo katulad kahpon.. di ako nglayout today...
pwo ng text blast naman ako...at ngupload ng layout sa frenster account ng philippine models weekend sa frenster...
tinanong ako ni sir kung maaga ako papsok bukas.. ang sabi ko 1pm..
well, bka may ipagwa na xa tomorrow...


well kung ganun e di mganda! :D
hehehehe....


NOVEMBER 12, 2008

log in: 1pm
log out: 7:30 pm

gumawa ako ng layout ng billing pra sa Guess Co. dhil sa services namin sa knila..
sumagot ng phone at as usual mge models namin un, ngtatanung kung anu mngyayri sa saturday november 15, sa photoshoot na ggwin namin for them...
haha...
excted na ako pasa sa saturday...
kc marami n nmn ako makilala.....
yehee!!!!!

Hoping for the saga to continue.... xD

"Its about love, hate, sacrifice, friendship, family, decision, destiny... disparity and harmony all at the same time... "

the Twilight Saga is something more than four books... it goes beyond the life and love of the red-head girl Isabella Swan and golden-eyed vampire Edward Cullen... it transcends time itself... reading it is more like magical, its more than just another piece of literature... its perfect... even beyond perfect!

I can say that reading Twilight alone won't suffice, it will keep you begging for more... its kinda addicting... but its worth it! and even at the last page of Breaking Dawn... you'll wish that... that it wont end...no yet... not just yet...not ever! you'll wish that their life and love story... that the saga will continue on and on... and i doubt if you'll ever get tired of reading it...

I've read hundreds of books... im a self-proclaim book addict... i adore works of judith mcnaught to mitch albom, from paolo coelho to anne rice... from rl stine to john grisham... and obviously i'm not picky on books.., i read everything i get my hands on... finished the harry potter saga twice!...
but reading Stepehenie Meyer's work... is a totally different experience...

i still have a huge hangover from it.., thou i'm done with the saga yesterday...

honestly, it made me cry... wanna know why? secret... read and figure it out...

I'm glad i read the book.... its worth every added eye bag i got...


hahahaha....


I love Renesmee.... hahahaha!
I so want to be like her!

November 10... OJT 101

log in: 1:53
log out: 7:10

nalate ako pumasok sa ofis kanina...nalate ng isang oras... dhil diko maiwann ung bahay namin dhil walng ngbbntay at wala si mama...

suppose to be umaaalis ako ng 12 pm... pwo kanina ualis ako ng1pm... nkakahiya nga eh... kc yaw ko malate... kaya tumwag n lng ako sa boss ko.. at naintndhn nmn niya... psalamt tlga ako at mabait ng sir louie!!! thank God!!!

so aun nga... pgdating ko... tinulungan ko sa gillian ung ka-intern ko sa pageedit... xa daw kc pingedit kc late daw ako.. rarr... so tinulungan ko xa... wala nmn ako assignment today kc... marami kailngn gwin s computer na mas importante sa ilalayout ko dpt kya bukas n lng daw... ok lng nmn... so aun... ngcompany call si sir... malapit na kc ung project namin with GUESS... so nghahakot na kmi ng mg tao na "beautiful poeple" para pumunta.... libre ang drinks... open bar kumbaga... pati chicha... may fashion ng 7pm taz pgtapos nun... party2x na...

at pupunta ako.. dhil kailangn... kung ako ang papipiliin.. ayuko sana kc... im not into bars... i prefer coffee... tska gastos sa pamasahe... wkekeke... barat ko tlga...

so nagpost na ako sa multiply ko kanina ng invitation...
sana marami akong mainvite... pwo sa tingin gagaitin ko powers ko para mgwa un... wkekeke!

pingdadala ri ako bukas g mga old toys.. para sa Jollibee toys for christmas kembot nila... so dadalhin ko ung isang stuff toy ko... :D
mgdadala rin ako ng mga magazines... kailngn pgbasehan pra sa daratin na photoshoot sa saturday ngmga models namin... o dba? ang shala... whahaha!

ng-out ako ng 7:10... nakauwi sa bhay ng alas-otso... kumain... ngnet... at eto ngbblog na...


hai naku.... sana lng mging okay lht ng projects namin.. God help us...

:D

Yoohoo....Sir Don....

I've been stalling... not the first time though! ha!

since this is where sir don will figure the things I'd do everyday at the office... I'd better welcome him formally... so

SIR RACIDON PALOMINO BERNARTE... from the bottom of thugging heart... WELCOME TO THE BRAT'S PLACE.., ECA'S ultimate emotional garbage paradise... hahaha...

i'm just so painfully sorry not to write here soon... the culprit for this crime is non other than my isp's turtle-like connection.... rarr.... sorry again...

okay, so where do i start?

place: dyna media productions, owned by the radio partners inc. paragon plaza, boni.
boss: sir louie cano..
started: october 27, 2008
shift time: from1pm to 6pm...

i began my ojt last, last last monday., it was the 27th day of october... there's suppose to be five PUPians there, namely vernon, mart, rj cado me and tracy, but Sir Louie's mind changed and trimmed us down to two... so rj and i remained there together with five other internees from san sebastian recoletos...

and we began, i began working my shifts there... its actually from 1pm to 6pm...

a little tiring but nontheless fun...

for the whole week of oct 27-29 and 31, nov 5, 6, and 7...aside from answering phone calls... i was assigned to do layouts for our upcoming project... PHILIPPINE MODELS WEEKEND... a project design to find potential models and give them training plus of course exposure...!

from letterheads to email blast layouts... i was pressured to master Adobe Photoshop in no time... not that i dont have my share of editing in the past... but its kinda different coz its for work na...

but uber thanks to my uber great boss.. who's really not hard to please.. the reason why i try to come up with better layouts than the last... it seems that layouting is not that hard...

so most of my days are spent doing layouts... and reading fashion magazines..
my daily routine...
though i hate routines....
this routine is doing fine with me...

hahahaha...

and may God bless me...
coz its all just starting...

*rarr*

It's THE BRAT unlike BEFORE...

Magiisang taon na noong huli akong ngsulat para sa account ko dito sa blogspot...



maraming ngyari... hindi na ako ang Ericang ngsusulat dito noon...

maraming nagbago... hindi na issue ngaun sakin ang mga issueng ngpapiyak sakin noon...


maraming nawala... hindi ko na nararamdamn ang sakit na bitbit ko noon nung ngsimula ako dito...

maraming pumalit... hindi na magulo ang buhay ko, di tulad dati...

maraming natutunan... hindi na umiikot ang buhay ko para kayninoman...


umiikot na ito para sakin...




kung ilalahad ko dito ang laht ng ngyari sakin sa nagdaang labing-isang buwan... di ko magagawa...

dahil mayroong mga naganp na pinili ko ng kalimutan...




iba na ko ngaun, mas matapang, mas maraming dunong, mas matatag...
mas tahimik ang buhay, mas walang iniisip... dhil di na ako nasasaktan...




aaminin ko, inumpisahan ko itong blog na ito sa gitna ng pangungulila ko ng karamay sa aking mga kalungkutan... gusto ko kc ng may mapgsasabihan... ayokong itago ang lahat, nakakbaliw! nakakapraning... mhirap na...



ngunit natapos na rin sa wakas ang kabanata ng buhay kong iyon... matagal nrin itong natapos... mga ilng buwan na...



at nang natapos iyon, unti-unti kong binuo ulit ang buhay ko, dahan-dahan...
mahirap, dhil nagkakakalaskalas ang mga piraso nito sa karimlan... nhirapan akong buuin ito, pwo nagwa ko naman... salamat sa Dyos...



iba na ako ngaun, tulog na ang kalahati ng pagkatao ko...
di ito masama, dhil sa ganitong paraan, tahimik na akong nabubuhay sa mundong ayaw prin akong tigilan... mga peste.. andaming peste...



iba na akong ngaun... masaya na ako... khit na alam ko, na ang naramdamn ko dati ay kaligayahan... msaya na ako ngaun... at mas sasaya pa ako... malapit na..




at kasabay ng pagbalik ko dito sa blogspot ay pagpalit ng kulay ng tema ng blog ko...
nangangahulugan na, pinalalaya ko na lht ng pinanghahwakan ko dati ng mhgpit...



dahil malaya na ako...




malaya na....

Voices

We can't hide sadness no matter how hard we try.


Angelica was walking half-way down the street where she parked her car the night before. She looked up and saw the impending rain, who was about to burst and again flood the streets with sadness and frustration. Drowning in her own thoughts she suddenly heard a young man, probably in his early twenties told her something weird.

the stranger said, "and lungkot nmn..."


She looked up and saw the man looking straight at her. Seeing him looking concern and harmless at the same time, she didn't mind him. She proceeded walking. But within her, the voices just wont stop talking, obviously she did mind what he said.


"ang lungkot nmn... ang lungkot nmn..." the voice of the stranger echoed endlessly.

"napansin nia na malungkot ako? mkha ba tlga akong malungkot? malungkot ba tlga ako?
ayoko mging malungkot... hndi dapt ako maging malungkot... this is my choice.... mine and mine alone... dont tell me hindi ko npaninindigan pangako ko, dont tell me kakainin ko sinabi ko...hindi..."

"anu ba tlga gusto mong gwin angelica?" Another voice said.

"gusto ko lng nmn maging masya, maging masaya khit wala na xa... i want my old life back... living without him... laughing not because of him... being happy not just by his existence... i want to learn... how to live like i used to...un lng..."

"un ba tlga ang gusto mo?" A familiar voice asked.

"hindi ko alam... hindi ko alam...cguro!"

"paano kung di tlga yan ang gusto mo?" The same voice asked again.

"bhla na... e di gugustuhin ko na lng...wla na akong magagwa pa...dhil gnwa ko n ang lht."


She unconsciously pulled out her key and slid it through the hole, pulled the door as she entered her car in a daze. she began to pull back her own thoughts and organize it.

"im better off this way! i cant afford to stay like that forever! Angelica, you have to go!" She shouted.

Her voice filled her car momentarily while it subsided to pure silence. She brushed her hair with her fingers while she started the engine as she sped away with her heart still beating but with a hole where he used to reside.

And as she finally said goodbye to Joshua, one thing is for sure... she will find happiness... once again... one of these days.


Sa laht ng tumangkilik ng storya ni Angelica... dito na po muna mgttapos ang kwento niya... hangga't di pa ako nakakaisip kung panu ito ipgpapatuloy... hehehehehe... babalik po si Angel... panagako!!

promise

The sidewalk was wet.It was raining the whole night. There was a huge fog engulfing the place. it was blocking out all the sunshine wanting to get through. Wanting to get through her. Angelica all curled up in her nicely done bed staring blankly in the dark. Thinking. What would happen to her now? Why did she do that? Silence went on like forever until the sound of her telephone broke it into pieces.

Angelica: hello?

Gerald: Angel... musta na?

Angelica: *silent*... im going..

Gerald: where? sama ako!

Gerald then heard the stricken tone of her voice...

Gerald: what is wrong?

Angelica: im going away...

Gerald: ha? di kita maintindihan...

Angelica: im letting go...

Gerald: from where? or from whom?

Angelica: him.

Gerald: oh! him.... y?

Angelica: im so tired... i should have done this a long time pa...

Gerald: buti narealize mo na yan... lam na ba nia?

Angelica: yah...

Gerald: let me guess... no comment sya... at la syang pakialam...

Angelica: yah. She whispered.

Gerald: o e bkit ka gnyan? did u do something more than that...?

Angelica: i promised.

Gerald was dumbfounded. He now knew the gravity of the matter, Angelica never breaks her promises. She never did. Gerald was worried. He knew that this would not be easy. It wouldn't. But he will not leave her side. After all she is his closest friend.

Gerald: kaya mo yan Angel! ikaw pa! dont sulk... isipin mo na lang may dahilan ang lahat... party na lng tau...
san tau bukas?

Angel laughed at his proposal. She appreciates him...more than he would ever know. Then out of nowhere, a surge of strength ignited her half-alive senses... and realized that she has friends, real friends and she will be with them tomorrow evening and party like she never had.

Angelica: tell you what? yah! i can do this! Embassy 10pm... call them up... see u there!

She put the phone down and went outside. At last, Sunshine broke the gates of the depressing Fog. Angelica walked out into the sun, and let herself bathe in the warmness of the light. She felt better. And knew that with the right dose of encouragement and control, she knew she can fulfill her promise... after all, she has no choice.



This is the second episode of Angelica. hope you liked it as well...

stranded heart

Angelica was surfing through the channels when all of sudden she stopped by Cube TV.. it was playing the music video of Alipin... she suddenly became sullen and put her head down on the table and felt the pain she thought was not there.., she remembered her dream the night before...

in the dream:
Angelica overheard Joshua and Richard talking.

Richard: kayo na daw sabi nga niya..

Joshua: *silence*

Angelica: ei may girlfriend kna? im happy for you!

would she be really happy if in reality Joshua will find someone new, would she be strong enough to face it?, Angelica thought.
she kept her head down while letting the pain into her system. the song still playing in the background fueling her emotions.. prolonging the moment... cradling her agony. she misses him and she knows that. she wants to be brave or try to act like one. she wants to forget him. she wants him out her life. she wants to start anew; with or without him it doesn't matter! she has to move on.

Angelica allowed the song to end, after which she got up from her seat, carried her dishes to the sink. made a joke out of the roasted chicken her mom is cooking and made her way to her room. took a pen and a paper and wrote:

i can do this.
i will do this.
i have to.
have to save myself.
must kill the pain.
must not go back.
must throw him out my heart.
its been too long.
i have to live,
like i did once before.
have no choice,
but to say goodbye.
for the last time.
for good.

Angelica clung on to the paper as if for dear life. she has to stop loving him.
she knew that, as tears rolled down her sober face.


enjoyed reading it? i enjoyed writing it too... hehe... who is angelica? she is my latest fictional character. through this short written episodes i shall bring her to life.
tahtah...

no regrets. no qualms. no nothing.

hoorah! im back...and armed! :D

a month had passed, my last entry was about not giving up while going through hell... well guys, guess wat.. those times were tough, but im here... writing... i mean typing... hehe.

so much for that, masaya ako sa naging kinalbasan ng play namin, ng ONAKULEOM... masaya ako kc once again natalo ko ang sarili ko... kala ko hindi matatpos ung storya... kala ko hindi un sasapat... salamat kay Mart,, ang partner ko sa pagsusulat...kc kung wala xa... wala akong motivation, wala akong kasamang mgbrainstorm, wala akong kakampi at wala rin akong kaaway... the script went through alot... sobra! pero syempre, salamat kay Yahweh kc he gave me the ryt ideas at the ryt time... para sa akin, isa ito sa mga achievements ko... kc i wont deny na summer plang pinangarap ko nang magsulat ng isang play na gagamitin sa drama fest... hihi..

but then again, nung panahon na ng pilian... sadly, things turned out bad for me... kc i got sick and all... then i let go... inisip ko na kung hindi nakatadhana para sakin... hindi mangyyri... but in the end it happened... against everything, nangyari itoh... sa tulong ng mga taong naniniwala sa kakayahan kong magsulat at syempre kay Yahweh.. :D

i know i never got to say how grateful i am to my classmates.... thats why... i wanna say thank you now... sa mga naniwala sakin at pati narin sa mga nagduda... kc after everything, i know i did my best...
no regrets. no qualms. no nothing... kya thank you! :)


im not working na pla ulit... kc pinili ko ung play... kc i have to choose between work or studies... it may sound so simple. but it wasnt. the real deal was... i had to choose between my duty or my passion...
i chose my passion.
i chose wat will make me happy.
so...
i chose to write. period.
no regrets. no qualms. no explanations. no nothing.


and so now im back to my old life... back to prepping up and dont forget make-up! back to senseless but laughter-packed tete-a-tetes... and of course... back to studying!

so now, im again a regular college student minus the attitude! hahaha!
these days, i may not have the luxury of spending too much, always in a tight budget like it used too... less starbucks. less gimicks. less fine dining. but not less fun! i know ive made the right decision and though things at home are a bit rough... i know... just like i use to say... i know everything will be okay... Yahweh wont desert me. *wink*

again, no regrets. no qualms. no nothing.

i wan not born to give up!!!!!

hindi ko ikakaila.. im in the stage of my life where nothing seems ryt all of a sudden... i have so many problems...

sa family, school, socially, emotionally, physically...

im losing grip... feeling ko konti na lng... pwo i know i should not give up...

i was not born to give up!!! ive been thru so much in the past... nagun pa ba ako susuko...? e nung ngksakit ako for fifteen years di nga ako sumuko eh...nagun pa kya? duh... no!!! i resist! i insist! i will break thru! i will survive!! i know everything will alright in the end! i know...i just know... di ako pinabayaan ng Dyos.. and he wont desert me this time!!!!!!!!

jia you simsim!!!! jia you!!!!


just believe... i just hve to believe,,, endurance is the key!! panu na lng kung ako ang sumuko?? panu na??

losing grip..

matagl narin akong hindi nkpgsulat dito sa blog ko..mga ilang linggo nrin... hhmm...

the last time i wrote in here was wen i was physically dying... and now im writing to you agen dying... emotionally dying... but not like in the past wen i was really dead... this time.. its kinda mellow but it still affects me...

im having this dilemma of how to deal with the pain of being stuck in between... being stuck in between right and good, responsibility and duties and the feelings of the past and present...

the agony of not knowing where i should stand or go is tormenting... if i were to choose i'd rather be sleeping like before, stagnant like a water in a pond. independently making her own style and life...

now tell me... where should i go? what should i ought to feel? should i be moving forward or should i be taking a step back... tell me...

clamourings of a very sick girl!!!

hai... apat na araw na akong may fever... sunday ng mdaling araw pa un ngstart on and off itoh.. sa hapon nwawala xa pwo sa gabi upto madalng araw ang taas ng fever ko... kanina, ngpacheck na ako for typhoid and then tomorrow for dengue namn... gusto ko ng pumasok... sa school at sa work... nabuburo lng ako dito lalo lng ako ngkksakit.. ito na so far ang pinkagrabe kong sakit kc normally di nmn ako dinadapuan ng sakit eh... cguwo bumaba ng sbra ung immune system ko kya ngksakit ako.. miss ko na coc.., mga frens ko.. kakhiya nga kc bgla akong ngtago... e kc nmn khit bumangon sa kama di ko kaya.. khit mglkad ng mhba-hba npapagod na ako..


sana nmn la akong complications na severe.. kc ayoko ma-ospital... dahil it reminds me of my papa... gusto ko ng pumasok!! gusto ko ng mgwork! sana by fri or monday pwede na ako bumalik... sabi sa medical certificate ko ang initial findings sa akin ay Systematic Viral Infection VS Typhoid Fever R/o Urinary Tract Infection. balak pa ata nila ako iadmit! AYOKO NGA!!!! oo!! mtigas ang ulo ko!! ayoko mgpaadmit!!! kya nga pla gising pa ako hnggng ngaun kc feeling ko sa twing humihiga ako o kya ntutulog bumabalik ung lgnat ko... kya ayoko matulog... kya naisipan ko na lng mgblog...



iddrop ko n nga pla ung sbjct kong polgov and stats.. la ako matutunn sa knila.. kukunin ko na lng sa summer... at least mkkpgfocus ako... :D pra rin khit papanu mbgyn ko ng atensyon ung major play ng class, para makatulong... :D kc headache tlga akin ung 2subjects na un eh!!! ang BWISIT ang mga TEACHERS!!!!!


ayokong matulog!! ayokong matulog! ayokong matulog!!! wwwaaahhh!!!


nga pla... ive had sme realizations... narealize ko na... kaylngn ko n tlga xang pabyaan...kc he doesn't care about me... and that's the saddest truth... :(

i'm sad.

so... im back.. after a few days im back...

i actually have nothing on my mind... i mean mron nmn pwo i dnt wna ryt about it...

nalulungkot ako kc umuulan, ilng arw na alang pasok.., ilang araw n ako alng gnagwa...
six days na kmi di nguusap... la lng nalulungkot lng ako.. pwo i'll get by...

i'm sleepy... matutulog na ako... kc sa panaginip lng kmi nguusp eh... *sigh*

nyt...

again, i lost my life when i lost....

i ges khit ayaw mong iwan ng isang tao, pag xa na misimo humingi nun,,ibibigay at ibibigay mo khit masakit,,, umalis n nmn ako ulit,,sabi nia eh... mgpapalaboy-laboy na naman... san na nmn kaya ako makakrating..? panu kya ako ulit ako mabubuhay? hindi na bale... may rason ang lahat... kagaya ng dati... ipauubya ko n lng ulit sa Dyos...

malungkot ako, nasasaktan, feeling ko wala n nmn ang puso ko... kc for the second time pinaalis n nmn nia ako sa buhay nia.. kc for the second time hindi na nia ako ulit kailangn,,, cguwo nga mali ako kc kala ko kailngn nia ako...hindi na pla... pero bakit ganun? parati na lng xa ganun? ginagawa nia akong basahan... tapos la xang pakialam kung nsasaktan na ako... la xang pakialm kung nagagalit na ako... basta ggwin nia lht, susundin nia ng utos ng utak nia khit na may naissantabi na xa... sna hindi na lng xa insensitive.. sna di nalang xa cold.. sna khit mnsan mrmdmn ko na may pakialam xa sa feelings ko... sana di n lng xa bumalik, kung uulitin lng pla nia ung gnwa nia dti... hindi nmn nia ako ppigilan kung umalis ako eh...la rin xa pakialm kung bumalik ulit ako, conceited xa sa feelings nia eh... kinakahon nia lahat... selfish ka!

anu pa bang dapt kong gawin para iparmdam sau na may isang taong ngpapahalaga sau ng sobra?? magpakamatay? uminom ng lason? la na akong ibng alam gawin... i know i dnt know how to love perfectly,but im loving you as much as i know how to... sabi nla di ka worthy sa affection n bnbgay ko... na dapt na kitang isantabi at humanap ng iba na papahalagahn rin ako... tama sila! di ka nga worthy...kc ang baba prin ng turing mo sakin...khit anung gawin ko... ung ibng frens mo pag kelangn ka nila, agad2x mong sasamhn, pwo ako... khit malapit ko na isuko lht,khit na di ko na kaya... di mo ako msamhn... you would just want me understnd that u cnt help me... dba unfair un? db?
u want me to understnd u always... but does it occur to you even for a single moment that i need u to understnd me also? that i really need you when i say i need you? selfish ka nga... tanga nmn ako... di ako ung tipo ng tao na humihingi ng kapalit..pwo sana ang gusto ko lng importnsya...khit konti.. kc mahalga un sakin eh...

at this very moment, im not mad... im just dead... dead from sadness... immobilzed by tears... and corrupted,for once again... you sent me away...so casually...




sbi mo u'll change na,,, gift mo un sakin nung birthday ko dba? san na gift mo? :(

**you wouldn't want to be in my shoe....**

"bakit ko pa susbukan na iwan ka at mabuhay ng wala ka kung alam ko namang hindi ko kaya..?!"

im in daze the whole day... alam ko marami dpt akong gawin, pwo hindi ko nagawa...
nanuod lng ako ng TV buong araw... ang dami kong iniisp...^_^

im worried about him....ayoko ung ganito! na hindi ko lam kung anu ngyyri sa knya..kung asan xa! ayaw na ayaw kong umalis sa tabi nia na alam kong mayroon xang dinaramdam... natatkot ako sa kung anong pwedeng nyang gawin... damn, naiiyak na ako! :(

hindi ko alm kung anu ngyyri sakin...pero buong arw na ito! i can't seem to get my mind off him! i'm worried, that's all i know... scared and worried...

my dream last night, it wasn't good... he told me that's he's leaving... than i woke up having a painful heart. i don't want him to go... i just can't go on without him... for as long as i know he needs someone, i can't go and i wouldn't want him to go... the mere thought of him leaving scares me, i can't see him go away,, not again...

i know im being selfish! i know that! the world can call me selfish, conceited... anything! but still, they won't understnd how i feel... how much i treasure him... how much he means to me... well,i can let him go if i want to...i'll just tell him to go and that i'll be fine... but i cant! i dont want to! coz i know that i won't be alright! i wont be alright!!!! for once, i want the one person who matters to me stay... stay... my father left me when he died... my bestfriend did when he migrated... i was nver the same..!

important men in my life seem to have a pattern,and that is too leave me... and now that i can decide if he shall stay, then why the hell would i allow him to go? why?
tell me...?

i'm so sorry for being selfish... i just cant let him go...again...
i'm sorry...

my past comes hurling back...

ai nakakhiya nmn ako... mahigit two months na pla nung huli akong nagsulat dito... paxenxa..

newei, san ba ako mgsisimula? ...hindi ko alam...hhaaii... nakakahiya tlga...

o cge,, uumpsihan ko sa nangyri kanina...

a while ago, i was looking at nathaniel's profile...and ive decided to give him a commnt.. ang sbi ko dun,,, "musta kna thaniel? its been a long time..npadaan lng ako sa profile mo.. take care.." taz nisip ko bigla... 'shit.. xa ung dati kong mahal.. ung taong nagpsaya at nagpalungkot ng buhay ko dati...' mahal na mahal ko un dati sobra... ni hindi ko nga mabilang kung ilng balde ang naiyak ko dahil sa kanya... he left me so many memories... so fucking many... but at present, all i can remember are the good ones... maybe coz i dnt want to remmber the ones that made me cry... its true that memories are a good thing, if u just dnt have to deal with the past...

marami akong natutunan dhil kay nathaniel...natuto akong magmahl ng lubos, magbigay, at tanggapin ang katotohann na di lht ng minamahal ntin ay kaya rin taung mahalin... ive learned my leeson well enuf...

kanina hbng pngmamsdan ko ang picture nia, naisp ko na anu kya kung mhalin ko xa ulit? anu kaya kung bumalik ako sa buhay nia? anu kya? anu kya ang mangyayari sakin pag gnwa ko un? nkakatawa... hindi ko kya... ang hirap pla tlga bumalik sa nakaraan... its like i can't open my heart for him again...for his chapter in my life is through... at kahit na hinahayaang kong isipin na mhalin xa ulit, dhil cguro sa lam ko na kung panu, hindi prin!

pwo masya prin ako.. despite evrything,dhil may isang nathaniel ang dumting sa buhay ko, minahal, iniyakan at kinalimutan kung panu mahlin...

love nevr goes away... it only fades... i may not love nathaniel like i used to, but i know i still love him in some uncanny sort of way...

"hEaRt OvErHaUlEd...???"

my lifestyle changed nung ngtrabaho ako... well, bumaliktad ang araw at gabi ko... halos la na akong kain at matutulog na lng... di na ako nkakapanuod ng TV... di ko n alam kung anu ngyari sa nging election eh! di na ako nkakadlaw sa coc... umaalis na ako halos every saturday! uuwi ako ng madaling araw...!! di katuld ng dati na sa bahay lng ako.. magkakape lng ako sa starbucks,its either sa morato or araneta buong gabi... sabay hithit ng yosi,sarap.. pantanggal pagod... hekhek!!

this job opened many windows for me... more choices... more possibilities for love to come in... more waves of smile.. more people to talk to... more hi's and hello's... this is actually good..

anyway... may kilig moments ba ako these past few days...?? hhmm.. yoko mgsalita!! hekhek! cge na nga... meron... yah, mwon... pwo di ko n lng muna iisipin... keme lng un... but i wont deny na it made this week easier and happier for me... ^_^
the person im talking bout is not anyone that u know of... he is someone new... ^_^

i nid a new spice... a new heart... a new inspiration... a new "someone"... hahahaha... coz im sure that a new "someone" would definitely do me good... heart overhauled ba itoh? haha... y not? hekhek.. for a change namn...db? hekhek..

The long wait is over,,.. im sorry Twinkle...! ^_^

after almost one month... mgpopost ulit ako ng entry sa blog ko!! yipee...
u know wat... i miss doing this... sobra! pero kc khit gutso kong gumwa ng new entry... hindi kya ng utak at katwan ko... kc paguwi ko ng haus..diretso na ako kama at mtutulog na ako buong araw...dhil buong gabi...nsa work ako... paxenxa na tlga.. nahihya nga ako buksan ung blog ko eh...feeling ko ang laki ng kasalann ko kay Twinkle!

marami-rami nrin akong iniisp... marami nrin ang ngyri... pwo merong mga bgay na hndi ko alm kung papanu sabhin dito... pwo maguumpisa parin ako...

Work: ang status ko ngaun sa work...? probi na ako... employee na ako ng Winsource! and i got my first paycheck nung 15!! damn! im working na tlga! hahaha! nung una nhirapn ako sa work ko... kala nila madali ang call center,,,oi! hind ah! try kya nila mgsalita for 8 hours..!! anyway...sabi ko nga nhirpn ako nung una... pwo ngaun... im beginning to love it na! kc i've realized that walang mngyayari skin kung ko mamahalin ang trabaho ko...mapalad na ako kc may work ako..! tska napamahal na sakin ung mga officemates ko!! sila carla, bj, zhy, mark, pj at marami png iba..!! ^_^ but the question is...di ko lm kung hanggng kelan lang ako.. kc yoko mginterfere ung work ko sa studies ko eh,,, kc mas importnte prin ung studies ko.. pwo i'll cross the bridge when i get there na lng...basta ang mahalaga..lam ko kung anu dpt kong gwin... hehe!

Elite: hai! as usual!! kung san2x n nmn mi nkkpnta!! khit may work, wlang keme yan! no prob! bsta hinila ng paa...gora lng! fred and i are in the same account.. while sey is in another... kimmy, is making her way to and fro sa haus ng cousins nia! darlyn...i just know i miss her... :( i miss that daughter of mine... :( bibat, have no idea...ang lam ko lng ngwowok xa sa oneglobal... guilly, our next birthday boy! sa sat...diretso kmi sa Bataan after work! para sa celebration nia!! haha! elden, i just hope she is okay... :( jm..aun...araw2x ko prin tintwgn sa haus nila pwo la nmn xa...o kya tulog... hekhek... kael,my bunso! he is enjoying summer!! that im sure! aiko..in the middle of making her first novel!! see? elite eh! rj, sowi! total peformer na ngaun ang pamangkin ko!! si jayson..kaxama si darla kya panatag ang kalooban ko na okay lng sila... si gemxon...ang huling balita ko..ngwowork narin xa,, si hazel, last week ko xa huling nakachat eh... si minggay,i have no idea kung san na ung anak kong un!! huhuhu! si masaru...i just he is okay rin...sna ok lng sila dalawa ni den... at si mart????? si mart...???? ok lng nmn ata.. nung isang araw xa huling ngtext...ewan ko kung nsan un ngaun...

At yan ang latest news as Elite! haha... actually latest yan aun sa akin pgkakaalam.. hekhek! kc ako mismo naiiwnn na ng panahon eh... hekhek...


one thing ive learned from the past month,,, whenever may hinain sau ang buhay... take it! enjoy it! try to love it... kc may purpose lht un eh! khit na mhirpn ka, sa una lng yan... alisn mo lht ng agam2x mo... then slowly... u will learn to accept, slowly u will begin to realize that... life is REALLY fun! it isnt ufair... its just how u deal with it!

ngpapasalamt ako sa aking trabaho,sa mama ko at sister ko, sa akng trainor na si sir john, sa aking TL na si maam violan at sir mickey... sa aking elite, kay mart... for helping me realize these things... for helping me gain more undrstndng...much more than i've wanted to.. and xempre kay Yahweh! muah!

Recon???

opo... tama po ang nabsa mo sa naunang entry ko knina... "sabi namn skin ni elias..." elias...

yah.. sa mga constant readers ko.. at mga frenships ko... cguwo iniisp nio kung ok na kmi... kc obviously we had a conversation dba? well... im thinking of not disclosing everything here kc may makakabasa... duh? to think na blog ko itoh noh... and ang lakas ng loob ko na mgname ng names in the past...

uhmm... damn... parng ang chicken ko na!! humpf!! cge na nga! mgsasalita na ako... ^_^

if truth be told... after i posted my entry last april 5, entitled thinking things through... ngsawa na tlga ako... un ung last straw... two weeks passed then he called me up asking for my help...to find a certain number... we talked and laughed like we used too... its as if nothing happen... nothing ever happened... pati ako na-amaze eh, inisip ko... panu ngyari un? hahaha... and i was bewildered after that phone call... xmpre as a good person, hinanap ko ung number... and since nagpapahinga ung mga satellite ko... nahirapn akong hnpn ung owner ng number... i called him up after a few days telling him na di ko mhnp... twanan ulit... kwento... di katuld nung dati pag nguusap kmi... noong ang gulo2x pa... actually... msaya ako kc khit papanu... it went well in the end... at alam ko na...si Yahweh ang may gawa nito...

the next night... ngkasundo kmi ng mgkita sa Shang.. ksama ko si fred at sey... i waited for one hour... ni anino ni elias... di ko nkita... but when i was waiting there alone... i knew he would come... khit na lowbat na ung two phones nia... at di ko xa macontact... still i knew na darating xa... i found out na late xa ininterview... kya late xa nkpunta... nangaway pa xa guard sa Shang...
i dunno... khit mtgl na kmi di nguusp...at dumating sa punto na di ko na xa kilala... na yaw ko na xa makilala... na sobra na ung mga nyari sa amin... still... sitting there alone in Shang, half scared and half worried... narealize ko na i still have faith in him... na he would come...come what may...like before...

nung sat ng gabi... umalis ako,si kim,fred,sey at xa... pnta kmi g8way... nag ukay2x, then uminom kmi ng coffee sa starbucks... it was then when i saw him laughing again... at hndi ako natawa dhil sa rason kung bkit xa tumatawa, tumawa ako dhil nkita ko xang tumatawa...well it has been a long time...6 months...

ok... itoh na ang mga present views ko sa mga ngyari...

im happy kc for no reason... prng out of the blue... ngprmdm ulit si mart... pati kela kimmy... ngttxt na xa ulit... hndi ko na mkita ung barrier na naktayo sa gitna namin dati...sa gitna nia at elite... di ko nrin mrmdmn ulit ung coldness between us... ung coldness na nakakapatay... he is warm again... anu kaya nakain nia...? i wnt to know... naumpog kya..? sana nahalata nia kung ganu namin xa namiss, kung gano kami enjoy ksma xa... kung gano kmi ngcacare...even though we are different...!

masaya rin ako kc... God took away more than half of my pains, before ngprmdm ulit si mart... kc kung hndi.. nku... Goodluck... sbi ng isang fren ko... i wont name that person na lng... sabi nia... "may kulng prin xa kc di prin nia narerealize lht ng gnawa niang mali..."... ang akin nmn... i know we still have alot to talk about... i just dont know when, how and where to start... but we still have to talk... now pa na di ko n mhnp ung more than half of my anger... kya mas peaceful na ako ngaun... hahaha! spoiled prin sakin si mart... pwo yayo ko ulit xa... joke! hahaha!

before i sleep... i wnt to add something... i am not where i used to stand... things are not the same... and i know that... i lost something very importnt... and i dnt know if i can still get it back... but this is for sure...once na mawala ung essence ng friendship... mahirap na...

help me i'm drowning....

im so sorry twinkle!! it has been a long time since i posted my last entry here... kc ang daming life-changing experience ang ngyari sa life ko eh... at dahil sa mga ngyri na itoh... gusto ko ng sumabog!! haii!! grabe... let me start with...

last2x thursday.... ngumpisa na ung training ko for work... it will last for a month, at ngaun nsa incubation period na ako... ang hirap sobra,... kung kala nio madali ang call center mali kayo... mali.. nakakapressure.... ang sarap bumitaw... kung di lng para sa family ko... kung di ko lng sila iniisip,kung id lng sa gola ko na isang DVD cam... di na ako papasok... di nmn kc ako sanay mgwork eh... kc nga dba brat ako... nung isang arw...minura ako ng isng customer na tinawagan ko... ang sabi p nmn... "for a while dude...there's a fucking asshole on the other line..." e ako ung nasa other line eh... the moment na binaba ko ung call... i want to get out of ryt then and there.. i want to flee ang go home... di nmn ako mkaganti.... matatanggal nmn ako sa work...kya grabe...nkatingin n lng ako sa screen ng monitor na kala mo tutulo na luha ko... at ngaun... mmya pasok na nmn... 1'll be taking calls for 8hours... i'll start by 9pm upto 5am...maglologout ng 6am... mkakarting ng haus ng 7am... gosh... anh hirap kc bago plng ako and i havent found the perfect strategy to get constant tranfers... and i have to really figure something out before shit comes!!!!

sabi nmn sakin ni elias.... na i should be thankful kc may work ako unlike ung mga nkksama nia nung interview nia na college graduates pwo di nkpasa... i know nmn eh... im grateful nmn tlga... mkha lng akong ingrate pwo grateful tlga ako... its just that... im not used to working... and first call center... i know i must do good... and i will do good... i will find a way... cguwo... naninibago prin ako... i have to get the hang of it... the ins and out... ASAP!!! or else... di ako tatagal...

biruin mo pag nasa post kna... kailngn focus ka... kailangn di ka kakabahan... di ko lm kung mageexcel ako dito... kailngn ko mageffort... my gesh.... gusto ko tumigil ung oras... o kya ung mundo..... let me breathe!! aaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tired but happy...

bukas ko na ikkwnto ng detalyado ang ngyari sakin ngaung day! nga pla... nakapasa ako sa call center!! yahoo!!!!! basta weird ung day n itoh... basta ang dming meaning... tom n lng ha... pagod na ako eh... na-drain unng utak ko.... tatah!

For my ONLY Best Friend... Cj...

i intentionally FORGOT to tell you that i wrote something about you...^_^ i was kinda waiting for the perfect time to let you read it... and since today is your birthday..voila! indulge yourself bes! i really wish that i can celebrate your birthday with you... but i can't.. Canada is just too far.. im sorry... but dnt worry! i shall shout "happy birthday bes!" at the top of my lungs, like we always do...! i miss you Cj... it has been 10 months... exactly 303 days... approximately 7,272 hours... around 436,320 minutes... more or less 26,179,200 seconds... since i last saw your face bes... my life back here was nver ever the same... i seldom hear your laughs nowadays... your crazy antics... and your muffled cries... its kinda lonely here without you... but im getting by... coz, i know that we are just under the same sky... and we are now flying with our own wings and someday... i know that within the vast horizon... we'll see each other again... someday...



Bes

“If there is such thing as “soul mates” there could also be “soul best friends”

It was back in pre-school when I first met Cj… around 17 years ago. We were classmates but I didn’t paid enough attention to him. I was like the loud bubbly child and he was the intelligent but quiet kid. Our parents were friends but we’re not that close, I actually forgot all about him after our pre-school graduation.
Obviously, with my pigtails and rosy cheeks I had no idea that’s he’s going to be one of the most important person in my life right now.

We met again after 10 years, it actually started with a smile and the rest was history. Cj is probably the best gift I’ve ever received. He’s my perfect friend, my confidant, my brother, my listener, and my “Bes”. He never fails me, accepted me for I am, loved me despite my imperfections, and with that, I’ll never be the same again. He’s actually in Canada right now, and we are technically thousand miles away from each other. It was really painful seeing him go, really hard adjusting… yet now, we are actually doing good… I guess. it’s because I’ll never leave him, and he said that he’ll never leave me too… or maybe we just can’t live without each other. And this distance between us is just a test, to measure how far we shall go to keep our friendship in place.

Gareth Christopher Jacinto Wee is my “soul best friend” and I’ve got a whole lot of past lives to prove it... seriously...




hope you like it... ^_^ just so you know... im proud of you! i'll always be! miss you bes... thank you for everything... love you!


again... Happy Birthday Gareth Christopher Jacinto Wee..! painom k nmn... joke... lol...



psst,, uwi kna dito... ^_^

eca 101...

"ui... sign mo nmn autograph book ko oh... please... exchange na lng tayo!" i can still remmber the way i used to say these words.. may pacute effect pa...!! halos lht ata ng bata dumaan sa ganito db? ung maguunahang bumili ng autograph book sa school bookstore at sasabhing "ui ako una magsasign ha...","hindi kya, ako kaya nauna..db Mau... ako ung una...?"... o kya ung ganito... "mas mgnda ung akin! may mga stickers! sayo wala!", "binili pa itoh ng mommy ko sa National... mahal yan... tgnan mo oh... ang daming pictures!"... nakaktawa... ung mga boses ng mga classmates ko... hanggng ngaun tila naririnig ko pa... good old days....^_^ dati halos arw2x ata ako bumibili ng autograph book... ^_^ i remmber nung grade6 ako... nagipon ako ng money para makabili ng isang "top of the line" autograph book... taz pinasign ko sa barkada ko at pati rin sa mga teachers ko khit hindi ko sila gusto laht... khit ung isa sa knila ang dahilan kung bkit muntik nang ipatawag parents ko... grr...

newei.... gagawin ko ngaun ang ala-autograph book... or kung mas shala eh... ala-slum book effect na entry... let me start with...:

name: Erica Bacalso Ngui
nickname: Eca, eckie, ickay, kang, sim2x, atchie, at "bes" para sa bes ko...
address: Manila... tama na itoh... net kya itoh noh?!!
birthday: july 7, 1986
age: 20
birthplace: chinese general hospital
telephone number: 09212732622
email-add: eca_martin@yahoo.com
zodiac: cancer
chinese zodiac: tiger
school: Polytechnic University of the Philippnes
course: broadcast communication... opo, di po journalism!
yr & section: incoming third year student...

birthmark: sa likod ng thigh, sa left arm, sa neck...
moles: marami sa face..maliit nga lng...
hobbies: blogging, reading, writing, surfing the net, watching tv, listening to music, doing nothing and daydreaming.. hahaha...
collection: original Sailormoon trading cards...^_^ nsa akin prin upto now..
dislikes: RATS!!!! tska mga taong mapagpanggap... mga taong oportunista maxado! mga taong nakikialam ng buhay ng may buhay! mga insecure!! mga taong ahas!!!!!!
likes: anything that would make me happy.. ^_^ mga taong trustworthy, loyal, loving, sweet, honest, sincere, compassionate tska xempre dapt fun xa kasma... ^_^
fetish: nail fetish na khit walng nail polish nails ko basta dpt malinis parati!! as in!

"favorites"
subject: vacant period! haha... anything to do with english...
character: si dexter!!! tska si kenshin himura! hihihi...
sport: badminton
color: black and red
piece of jewelry: ring na gift sakin ni kimmy and bes
pet: pongpong
radio station: 89.9 magic
books: harry potter saga, five people you meet in heaven, by the river piedra i sat down and wept at marami pang iba...
authors: Paolo Coelho, Nicholas Sparks, Mitch Albom, Anne Rice, JK Rowling, Danielle Steel, Judith Mcnaught, Bob Ong at marami pang iba... ^_^
movies: Ever After, City of Angels, Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Just Like Heaven, If Only, Cinderella Story, 50 First Dates, Bestfriend's Wedding, Notting Hill, Mr and Mrs Smith, Troy, Saw... 48yrs bago ko itoh matapos...
shows: CSI, CSi Miami, CSI New York, ANTM, Runway, Tyra Banks Show...
actress: Drew Barrymore!!! Sarah Michelle Gellar, Angelina Jolie... tsaka si Judyanne.. bkit? e sa talgng magling xa umarte noh!!!
actors: Adam Sandler tska si Piolo... lol..
music: Rnb mellow and pop..
bands: PCD,Rivermaya, Spongecola, Hale, Destiny's Child, and xempre ang Spice Girls!!!
singers: Regine, Lea Salonga, Mariah, Christina Aguilera, Madonna, Leanne Rimes, Barbara Streisand, Will Smith, at ang aking fave pop princess Britney Spears!
songs: ryt now: only reminds me of you, all-time: crazy for you
food: shrimp tempura, maki, dimsum and luto ng mama ko... ^_^
restaurants: saisaki and tokyo2x..
attire: i mostly wears minis and tank tops with my wedge...

"first"
pet: ung hotdog ko na si hotdog! npaka-redundant!
cellphone: ung philips savvy...color blue at may horoscope pa un!
out of town trip: cebu when i was 2 years old...
line of 7 na grade: 79...chinese,,,dnt ask... T_T
love: hanep! never ko nga nsabi sa knia taz dito sasabhin ko... clue na lng... _i_k_!
crush: si patrick garcia ata... taz nagaddict xa.. yaw ko na!
kiss...?: haha... sa isang girl... smack lng noh... ^_^ che!
hold hands: basta nung nung 15 ako... ^_^
boyfriend: Jason Martinez... a long time ago...
fling: dnt remmber his name... lol!!!

"trivia"
piercings: 10 ear piercings in 3 years...
bags: 15 and counting...
shoes/sandals: 10 pairs but hndi lht sinusot ko... msakit kya sa paa ang super heels noh!
pieces of clothes in my wardrobe: di ko mabilang... basta madmi xa... hahahaha...

describe yourself...: look at my picture sa taas ng site ko...
what is a friend: a real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out...
define love: love is overrated... hahahaha! love is a decision...
who are your friends: bes ko, elite, nhie2x, jm, mayel, HS barkada and coc friends!!!
who is your crush: upto now si Jerry Yan parin!!!!! huhuhuhuhu...
who is your love: family, friends, Yahweh, and... wla... basta wla...!!
happiest moment: nung niyakap ako from the back ni... un na un...
ambition: to be ambitous! joke! to be a succesful media practitioner and to write screenplays!!
motto: nothing is coincidence...

pati ba dedication? wag na lng... nxt time na lng un... ^_^
now... i ask you... ikaw? kilala mo ba sarili mo? *wink*

bagay kayong dalawa... isang basura at isang basurero... bwhahahahaha!! - eca

mahilig ba kayo manood ng TV? o kya manood ng movie? ako..oo.. un nga lng... di ako parati nakakapnood kc marami kaagaw sa cable... humpf!!! mga che!! anyway... simula kagabi, hanggng mga 15mins ago... nanunood ako ng mga movie sa TV... khit local movies pinapatos ko na... pati Shark Tale na ilng beses ko na napanood... go na lang...!!

dahil naniniwala ako na lht ng movies... mejo corny man, khit mejo outdated, mejo jologs, mejo ginaya sa theme ng ibng pelikula... may meaning prin! may ibng attack! khit ayaw ko ung mga artista... may meaning prin!! ang gustong-gisto ko ung mga powerful lines!!! ung mga linyang kukurot sa puso! ung tatatak sa isipan! ung khit na nasa CR ka pag narinig mo un... uurong lht ng pwedeng umurong! hahaha! pwo its true... its like magic... a big omnipotent force that would allow you to focus and catch every syllable, every word that you would hear... and automatically stick it in your brain and stay there... for as long as it has to!

this is one of the reasons why i want to weave beautiful stories... why someday i want my stories to be watched in big oversized theaters... by people of all ages and of all genders... and i want them to feel it... be moved by it.. rmmber it for as long as they live... I've decided on this one!! i would not stop weaving stories.... i know i have alot of them up my mind... but if my mind rans out... i would always have my heart though... No Problemo Amigo... haha... isang araw... mapapanood ko na ang mga storya ko sa BIG Screen... invited kayo ha!! ^_^ hehehe...

Di mataas ang pangarap ko... remmber... "the future belongs to those who dream..." :P

newei mabalik nga ako... knina pinanood ko ung movie ni Kristine at Jericho ung Forevermore... minemorize ko tong line na itoh eh... kristine:"ayaw mong tanggapin ang pagmamahal namin dahil hindi mo kami kayang mahalin...at ang depensa mo... wala kang kayang tanggapin dahil wala kang kayang ibigay!" (sana tama itoh.. lol...) sorry! powerful... namove ako sa line niya... applause!! lol!

mwon pa.. sa Shark Tale! sbi ni Will Smith: "nobody can love a nobody!" at sabi nmn ni Renee Zellweger: "i did!" wla lng... may cotinuation p sna yan pwo nakalimutan ko... hehehehe... :P

sa Let The Love Begin nmn... "i love you eric", "i love you more pia"... wkekekeke...
ang tweet!!! hahahaha!! lol...

at sa Moments Of Love nmn... "Ang pagibig wlang nkikitang panahon, walang nkikitang wakas..." by Ms. Gloria Romero... o dba... wat u think?

ang cheesy ko ba?? no im not!! im not cheesy... is it my fault na puro love stories lng ang matinong panuorin ngaun??!! ha!!? hindi...xempre hindi.... lol! ang defensive ko.... hahahahaha...... pwo ang all-time-fave line ko sa movie eh yung... "a life without love is no life at all.." its by Da Vinci sa Ever After....

at para sa aking finale for this entry... ay sinabi ni Juday sa Till There Was You...


"hai... ang life... buti sna kung may love-life!" pasok sa banga...! whahahaha! bukas ulit... :P

"the stone cutter"

Holy Week ngaun db? sabi nila now is the right time to reflect on one's life...
reflect...reflect...reflect... ako kc nkkpgreflect ako pag kailangn ko na tlga o kya nmn kunwari may nabasa ako o narinig na angkop sa buhay ko...

every sunday nakagawian na ng mama ko bumili ng Phil. Star para sakin... at ako dapt ang unang hahawak noon!! pag may nakialam before me... tepok!! hinihimay-himay ko ung sections ng broadsheet at kukunin ko lng ung mga gusto kong basahin... ^_^ so pagkataz ko... manipis na lng ung dyaryo.. haha! at un na lng ang pagttyagaan ng mga ksama ko sa bahay... hahaha! ang bad ko noh?!! ^_^ newei, last night ko lng nabsa ang weekly column ni Jim Paredez noong march 18... tagal na noh...? newei... ung title ng article nia ay Coming Full Circle...

I will post here a modern day parable... na nbasa ko sa column niya... i think that this parable is for those who are not contented with their lives and for those who wants what they have to suffice...

"there was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. one day he passed a wealthy merchant's house. through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. 'how powerful that merchant must be!' thought the stone cutter. he became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.

to his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beatings gongs. everyone, no matter how wealthy had to bow low before the procession. 'how powerful that official is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be a high official!'

then he became the high officical, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. it was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. he lookep up the sun. it shone proudly in the sky, unaffeted by his presence. 'how powerful the sun is!' he thought. 'i wish that i could be the sun!'

then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. but a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light coud no longr shine on everything below. 'how powerful that storm cloud is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be a cloud'

then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. but soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. 'how powerful the wind is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be the wind'

then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. but after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering rock. 'how powerful that rock is!' he thought. 'I wish i could be that rock!'

then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. but as he stood there, he heard the sound of hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. 'what could be more powerful than i, the rock?' he thought.

he looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter..."


the end... now you reflect.... go! reflect!

where the fuck is my hair anyway!!!!?

kgabi... habng nakikialam ako ng mga friendster ng mga friends ko sa friendster.... (ai ang daming frens!!!) may nkita akong isang account na tuluyang kumuha ng aking atensyon!! take note madaling araw itoh... iimagine mo na lng ang kawindangan na natamo ko...

kc its like this... papangalanin ko xang "si ateng long hair"... ok "si ateng long hair" di xa kgndahn... mas chubby pa xa sakin... mas morena, mas maraming "pimplets"...pwo take note... may jowa xa... ako wla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! huhuhuhuhuhuhu!!!!!!!!! xempre nwindang ako... kc ang haba ng hair niya... di ko mareach!! lam mo un... feeling ko tuloy.., pinaglalaruan ako ng mundo!!! wwaahh!!!

(ayan ang mga napapala ng mga walang mgwa sa frenster..tsktsktsk!)

dnt get me wrong... im not saying na i want to be like her... /no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no!!!!!/ ok na ako sa pagkatao ko... satisfied na ako sa self ko... im happy for that girl... i have nothing against anything! but my thing is... bkit xa may jowa? ako... wala...? i min.. di nmn ako panget...khit papanu nmn may face ako... pwo bkit ganun? prng kc napagiiwanan na ako ng panahon... o sadyng malayo ang buhay ko sa pagibig...??? wat?

di nmn sa in-need na tlga ako ng jowa... kya ko pa nmn mgisa... nkaya ko nmn magisa eh... ang tagal2x ko ng single! actually snay na nga ako eh... but its just that sometimes... i cnt help not to ask why... kung bkit uso sa ibng tao ang love life at sakin hindi! kung bkit feeling ko nakalimutan ni cupido na ilagay ako sa listahn nia tuwing Valentines! kung sinu ba ang may mali? ako ba o ung mundo? ang puso ko ba o ang isip ko? is it because i think too much and not let fate run its course on me when it comes to love...? or is it because i have this unconventional way of loving and choosing who to love? is it my fault that im alone? or am i just one of the victims of the out-of-love syndrome? look... im not questioning Yahweh... coz noone has the right to... itong mga tanong na itoh ay para sakin... at akin lamang... o kya para sa mga gustong tumulong sagutin ang ilan sa mga tanong ko...

tinanong ko si Nhie2xQ... sabi ko sknia "nhie, unlovable ba ako?? ha???" ang sabi nmn nia "hindi nhie!!" sabi nia choosy daw ako... ang sbi ko nmn.. panu ako mgging choosy kung wala nmn ako pagpipilian!! dba? sabi rin nia kya cguwo may mga jowa ung mga katulad nila "ateng long hair" e kc... mabait sila... so inisp ko.. bka hindi ako mabait... o kya kulang pa ung kabaitan ko... pwo sabi nmn ni nhie... di nmn un ang ibg sabhin nia.. e anu ba tlga? psstt... help nmn oh...

khpon hbng nglalakd ako galing sa kusina namin... naisp ko na... "at this point in time... walang lamn ung puso ko..." so umupo ako sa dining chair nmin at hinalungkat ang puso ko... i was trying my best to find someone in there pwo wala eh... khit ung mga past kong minahal.. laht tulog sa puso ko... nghhybernate sila!!! para sa frenships,,, ai go! punong-puno...pwo pgdating sa someone special... empty... i even saw cobwebs hanging around my heart like tangled pieces of dead veins... it is currently beating for noone... ~sigh~

i wont deny... that sometimes when things get a bit too much...a bit more than i can handle... i somehow wish that someone would be here.. someone special... who would just be here for me... simply for me... and say... "eca, dnt worry...i wont go anywhere..."


you see, ryt now... i dnt know if im still happy being single... but im definitely not ready to have a boyfriend... i just need "someone"... that i can love in the end...

thinking things through...

WRITING A BLOG!!! writing here makes me share my life to everyone...
its feels good to know that hndi ko sinasarili ang buhay ko!!! na
nararansan ko rin ang mga nraransan ng iba.. na im being transparent
not only to myself but to the whole internet-literate community
worldwide... what a vast dominion for a single voice!!!

newei..knina sa panaginip ko... nakabuo ako ng isang paragraph para sa
entry na itoh... pwo di ko matandaan....sayng!

newei...ito ung una kong thought...here it goes...

alam nio im the type of person na pag ayaw kitang kauspin... di tlga
kita kakausapin, hinding-hindi ako magaaksaya ng laway ko para sau...
and that the least thing that i would do for you is tell you that i dnt wnt to talk to you... just that simple and transparent!! pero sana kung may taong ayaw rin akong kausp sbhn rin sakin ng mabuti... hndi ung aarte pa ng kung anu2x...e kulang na lng e sabhing nanghihingalo na xa at hindi na xa maaaring kauspin!! duh!! hello... hndi nmn ako tanga pra hndi malamn ung change ng mood at voice db? duh!! super duh!!! kakainis lng... kala nmn kc kung sinung super importnt person eh... xa na nga ung ineeffortan, xa pa ung INDIFFERENT!!!!!! anu twag dun? dba
inconsiderate? INCONSIDERATE!!!!! dba? dba? dba? kakainis... parang
ang hopeless2x n tlga eh... masahol pa skin na may ID... jusko... nwawalan na ako ng layaw... prng i want to erase that person's existence in my life once and for all na!! para.. tapos2x na!! pakibura nga po ung pahina ng buhay ko na present xa!!! pweeess! kc pagod n nmn ako... pagod na pagod n nmn... pra rin kc, feeling ko ngwa ko n lht ng maaari kong gwin, and i have nothing more to give... nothing more...end of the line...

nakakatawa kc heto n nmn ako... nndito n nmn ako sa posisyon na
gnito... bkit nga ba? sabi nga ni jill kay alwyn sa Flordeluna: "bkit
pa ba ako ngpapaapekto sau, e wala ka namang silbi sa buhay ko?!!!" ang sarap sbhin noh...? ang srap isigaw... kya please lng... end my misery and tell me face-to-face that im the worst friend anyone can have and that im hopeless and that you wont be needing me in any way anymore...and tell me to go... para masabi ko na yang linyang yan... and the spotlight would be on me.

sa pasukan... you wont see me as frequent as before... o! bonus na yan
ha... ayoko na... pwo sna kya kitang tiisin... sna kya kitang
talikuran... ktulad ng gnwa mo... at ung galit ko sau...? just wait and see... i'll be ending it soon... not for you but for me... im sick and tired of you being indifferent, cold, insensitive, inconsiderate... i can only suffer much...


ayan,,, nailabas ko na ang panibago kong sama ng loob... this is what i really feel at this moment... di mn ito ang mrmdmn ko mmya... maaari
itong magbago.. but the bottom line is narmdamn ko itoh unfortunately...

gusto lng nmn na makausap ka... tska may ishashare lng nmn ako n
problem ko eh... kc dba sabi mo... "if u nid sam1 to tok to, i wud be
hir.." sabi ko na nga ba... hindi totoo ung mga isinulat mo eh... :(

ABMYTMPLAKO? hahaha..anu daw? praises for Bob Ong!!

natutunan ko sa isang librong pinamagatang "ABNKKBSNPLAKO" ni Bob Ong...

pag feeling mo napagiiwanan k n ng buong mundo.. dahil sa lht ng kaplpakan na ngwa mo... o di kya dahil sa lht ng kamalsan at sakit na nrmdmn mo..., isa lang ang solusyon... tumayo ka... pwo wag mo habulin ang mundo... dahan2x ka muna... unti2x mong itama lht... unti2x mong ausin ang lht ng mali... at isang arw mkikita mo na unti2x nang umiikot ulit ang mundo... at ksma kna namn...

yan ang gngwa ko... unti2x kong inaayos ang mga gusot na at puro bakas ng pamburang bahagi ng buhay ko...


si Bob Ong na ang isa sa pinaka-favorite kong author!!! ever!!

ito muna for now... di ko pa kc naoorganize mind ko kung nu ba tlga ang uunahin kong sulatin... madami kc ang nsa utak ko ngaun eh... ang dami2x... mmyang umaga pagkagising... gagwa ako... taz ipopost ko sa madling arw...dhil la na ako net card... kailngn mgtipid... hehehe...

knina hbng ngffrenster ako... may nkita ako... kakashock..!! isa itoh sa mga bagay sa buhay na hindi ko mbgyan ng karampatang explanation... kakawindang... bukas.... mababasa nio na... salmat sa mga bumisita sa blog ko... wag kayo snang magsawa bumisita dto... mgrecruit nrn po kayo ng ibng tao para basahin ang blog ko... (ang kapal noh? lol..)

blogging makes.... (tom na yan...)
unexplainable.... (tom ulit yan...)
blah...blah...blah....

filling the holes....

im much better na... nakatulog na me ng matagal-tagal... ^_^ mga 12 hours... wkekekekekekeke!!!

i went to cavite... xempre with elite!!!^_^

haha,,, kakaaliw kc everytime na umaalis kmi, para kaming nasa isang reality show... kc before mkapunta kmi sa destination marami png ngyayari..!! nilakad namin ung tabi ng high-way sa may pasay dhil nndun ung sakayan ng bus!! my gesh! ang init! nakashorts pa ako.. si fred nga naglabas na ng towel! haha!

nung naisipn nmin sumakay n lng ng taxi... ang hinayupak na driver sinisingil kmi ng aabot sa 350pesos! e utot nyah!! kya bumaba kami... taz nghntay na lng kmi ng bus...

bumaba kmi ng SM Bacoor... dhl doon kmi susunduin ni elden... at dhil old habits never die... pmnta kmi ng Watsons at kumuha kmi ni fred ng tester ng sunblock.. hehehe... mainit kc eh.. tska tester nmn un eh kya free un....
hehehe... tpos bumaba kmi ng foodcourt...doon na namin nkita si elden na naka-shades... ^_^

we went to her house after that and stayed there for lunch and a couple of hours more... then at three we went to Kawit Cavite... kc dun ung resort na tutuluyan namin...ito ung cherry's pavillion!

the place was big enough for us...tatlong malalaking pool, dami nga lng tao nung hapon pa... mga shungagets!! tska kasma ung sister at baby cousin ni elden kaya di kmi agad nakastart... picture2x na lng kmi,, yosi at baraha....

nung umuwi na ung mga chikiting... un na!! bingo!!! we are free!!!! ngluto kmi ng barbeque na konti lng ang gas kya ang tagal nagkaroon ng baga ung uling..!! hahahaha!!! kmi nmn ni kim... ngbabaraha...nagkkwentuhan sabay yosi!! wat a life!!?

pagkaluto ng matigas pwo malinamnam na barbeque..kumain na kmi... konti lng kinain ko... pwo si sey... ndi!! as usual! lol!!! after that... ngswimming na kmi... pwo si kimmy naiwn sa cottage.... dahil sa hair nia... dnt ask!!

ang saya2x... ngslide kmi... nung unang slide ko... tuloy2x ako hanggang ilalim ng tubig!! muntik na ako malunod hinatak na lng ako ni fred.. hahaha!!! ang haharot namin!!! mga lakas trip!!! si guillan ang haba ng hair nia sa tubig, si fred naman... prang porcupine!! lol!!! nasipa ko nga mukha ni sey eh.... inasar nia kc ako eh... face shot tuloy!! lol!!! si den nmn...dun lng kasama si masaru na may salbabida kc di xa marunong lumangoy... lol!!! ang saya!!!

12am na nsa pool parin kmi... overyt kmi dun eh... ^_^ o dba overnyt stay? sosyal! well.. yan ang barkada... sama2x khit walang tulog!! ang ingay ko sa pool... kumakanta ako... taz sumabay narin sakin si fred, kya ngkaroon ng libreng radio sa may pool!!

ako ung unang uminom ng GSM Blue... ako lng ang tumatagay!!! biro nio!! nung dumating na sila fred galing banlaw... ayan na... may kasma na ako uminom...

pwo actually.. kmi nga lang ni guillan ung uminom eh... one on one kmi... lol!! taz ang dada na namin... puro kwento!! wlang saysay!! pwo masyang kwentuhan prin ng mga magkakaibigan... eh ako nmn... naglabas ng sama ng loob... and in that moment lalo ko nafeel ung galit... lol!!

we went home at 4am... at habang nasa bus ako... ang layo ng tingin ko... lumipad na nmn ug utak ko... pmnta xa sa moon..

pagkapasok sa room ni den diretso ako sa kama! and seconds after nkitext ako... knockout agad... nagising ako ng 6:30am...taz pumikit ako ulit kc pinipilit ko i-continue ung panaginip ko... pwo wala eh.. lalo lang akong nainitan!! kaya aun... nagising na ako... at nagising na rin sila!! ang ingay ko kc!! hehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!

umalis kmi sa house ni elden ng 12noon...arrived at my house with kimmy by 2pm.... slept at 10pm... woke up this morning at 10am...

see? what a day... what a trip!!! being with friends that matters to you... laughing at their corny jokes, making a fool out of each other, free to be yourself... it is fun...to have fun!! especially when you have your happiness around... ^_^ at lalo pang gumanda kc... di ako umitim kc gabi kmi naligo sa pool!!! yahoo!!!!!!!!

i cant remmber kung pang-ilan ng lakad itoh ng elite... ang dami na tlga kc... msan konti lng kmi... mnsan di ako kasama... mnsan sila lang... pwo khit ganun... khit mkhng di kmi makumpleto... walang kaso... masaya prin... kc baliktarin mo man ang mundo... khit dlawa lng kmi ni kimmy... elite xa, elite ako... magkasma kmi...kya para naring kasama ung iba... ^_^

sa mga susunod na trip ng elite this summer... sa birthday ni darla itong month at nila guily at den sa may... ^_^ sna muli ko n namang marinig ang halakhak ni fred at arjhaye, maaaliw sa pagaaway ni guillan at sey... tatawa sa lokohan namn ni kimmy... maramdaman ang sweetness at lambing ni den at darla... bibilib sa mga hirit ni kael... yayakapin ulit ang anak kong si aiko... aabangan ang mga kalokohan ni bibey... mageenjoy sa company ng mga bagong elite... sila jm, hazel, gem, masaru, jayson at minggay... at hopefully ang feeling n maksama ulit ang kapatid kong si elias...

i really love the people i've mentioned ... thank you for filling my incomplete life... muah.... sa uulitin.... *wink*

need to slumber.....

ei... mmya na ulit gabi... meme muna ako... 3 hours plng tulog ko eh.... hahahaha...

the silver lining.....

im hir na... now where should i begin??? hmm...let me think... gosh!!! memory overload!! lol... joke lng... o cge na nga start na ako...

i love reading... i read anything under the sun... it makes me preoccupied! it takes me away to this special place where i sit under a big maple tree and listen to the sounds of my mind while it digests every word it beats... and after finishing book after book after book... i reflect on what i've learned... "All tales has to end but lessons are never to be forgotten like memories..."... what retains in your heart is what matters...

i have these "quotable quotes" stored up in my mind... sayings, sentences, thoughts, ideas, realizations, words to live by, that i tell people now and then... depends on the situation, depends on whether i remember it or not... haha! i usually say these things to help a friend... hoping that it would help them too... like what it did to me... but i never thought people would actually recall me saying it... my dearest friend Jm... he qouted me on his shoutout on friendster... it says "my heart is not broken, it's just incomplete..."... it struck me..! i told myself.. "wow! someone besides my bes really listened to me!! haha! nice one!" i actually dnt know the reason why Jm posted it... but the fact that certain thought came from me...damn, it was priceless!!! thank you Jm... for listening though im a chatterbox! and also for your present shoutout... wkekekekeke.... muah!

"my heart is not broken, it is just incomplete..." i have been looking for the perfect description as to what position my heart is currently living in... and i think i found it... being incomplete is not like the end of the world! its not really that bad... yes, i admit... a part of it is lost somewhere... God only knows where... but living with an incomplete heart keeps me striving... insisting to make it whole again, someday...

being incomplete can be an advantage... you just have to find your way around it... and finding it is one hell of an exercise!! hahaha....

guilty beyond unreasonable doubt...

i've been stalling!!!!! give me my verdict!!!

ive been meaning to write another entry yesterday but...i ran out of time?? actually... an entry or two should satisfyingly empty my bloated mind... but i just ran out of time... i priomise... tomorrow... when i return from cavite... i will and shall indulge you again twinkle, by your editor's prowess.... (prowess tlga? lakas...)

meanwhile... dito ka muna.... maliligo na ako... aalis na kmi...

cavite here we come.... and tomorrow i shall deal with you again...

muah!
take care...

love yah...

xoxo...

second chances...

posted: march 30, 8:15pm

after posting my entry a while ago... i came to a halt and lay in my bed to think...

(believe me when i say, being a thinker is sometimes agrravating...)

there were several things that whoosh my mind into the "thinker's world"...
it was mostly about my previous entry and my bathing outfit for sunday, of cors!
then i went downstairs and hooked the tv up to Star Movies... and watch the life story of Fantasia Barrino... yah! the 3rd or 4th American Idol...*im not sure* she had a painful early life but look at her now! and she sings like... like she was meant to!

you know what... i'll let you in on a secret... when i was child... i dreamt of becoming a famous singer, like Regine or Mariah... i practically sang all my way from elementary to high school! countless times i sang on stage... with or without accompaniment... less than a hundred or more than a thousand audience... it doesn't matter... music was my life... singing was my passion... but it all changed when i entered college... i dnt know... it disappeared like poof! im not saying that i dnt want to sing on stage anymore... i love to do it again... i miss doing it... but my passion plunged into a deep slumber and i cant wake it up... honestly, smoking got in my way... my voice is not like it used to... then i began not reaching the tone i desired... well... to cut the story short, my love for music slowly faded away,...

i still sing... for myself, with my friends, and sometimes, should i say for my undying fans,... haha... yet i dont sing like i used to... no melody in my heart... no passion in my veins... no rhythm in my soul... im like a dead singer nowadays... and im hoping for someone or something to revive me to sing again...

a second chance... im hoping for a second chance even if i dont wanna believe in it...

a conversation is a slippery creature...

posted: march 30, 3:20pm

magnaname na ako ng names... wala akong pakialm sa mangyayari pagkataz nito... kung anu sasbhin ng ibang tao... i wont care... this is my blog... i'll write anything i want in here....

elias,

uhmm.... hello... remmber bout the conversation i was asking from you? it was actually para maaus ung pains ko... there are lotsa inquiries up my mind na hndi ko prin lam kung panu ko sasagutin... and that's the reason why.,,"hmmm..." lang ang reply ko sa msg mo... but the reason why i came back is pra tulungan kang maka-cope sa life mo... i want you to be okay... kc i know you have lots of pain too... but it doesnt mean na wala na akong pain...na wla na akong hinanakit sau,, sineset-aside ko lng un para tulungan ka... kc mas matimbang prin sakin si "elias"... kc alam ko i need to be there for you...

i dnt know kung mkakapagusp pa tayo... i dnt know...
but if we wont be able to talk... isipin mo n lng ung advice ko sau...
and i guess... i'll have to deal with the pain my own way...

elias, you wont ever know the hell i went through when you turned your back on me... sna mantindihan mo un... but i know, i still want you back... but i have to deal with my pain first...

eca

the cushion beneath my heavy heart...

do you like routines? ung tipong parati ganun na lng ang takbo ng buhay mo... ung walang change..? ako hndi... i hate routines... feeling ko mamimiss ko ang life pag parating isang way lng ang daan ko...

habits? do you have habits...? nail-biting habits... excessive smoking habits... and alot more... i do... lotsa them....

i will tell you one of my most noble habits... take note... noble?!!! yah... noble... there is this chapel in teresa,,, ung malapit sa main... sa tabi ng basketball court at health center...lam nio ba un? alm nio, hindi pwedeng hndi ako dumaan sa chapel na un...khit malalate na ako... dadaan tlga ako... as in! mgppray ako kay Yahweh sandali taz mgkkwnto... khit gabi na... khit may ksama pa ako... basta hndi pwede hndi!

knina.. dumaan ako dun... papuntang main... ngdasal ako... ang sabi ko kay Yahweh... wag nia pabayaan mama ko... at sna maubos ung mga food na niluto sa canteen namin... taz all of sudden my mind traced back to my dillema bout a certain friend... then i prayed... ang sabi ko kay Yahweh... "Yahweh, ang gulo po ng isip at puso ko... hndi ko maintndhn kung anu ang dapt kong marmdmn.. kung anu ang dpt kong gawin... Yahweh.. . ipauubaya ko na lng po sainu laht... at maniniwala ako na kung man ang mangyari... iyon ay para sa kabutihan naming dalwa... ikaw na po ang bahala"

technically... i left it all to Yawhweh's divine hands... it feels good, when you lift something up to the Lord and believing in him... trust that everything will be alright in the end.. that things will work its way out with his divine love... i did that coz, i know i'd still have personal inquiries...doubts, pains...in my heart and lifting everything up to him will lessen my tendencies to do things my way... which is im sure will be a disaster...and i might end up hurting myself more...

lifting up something to Yahweh clears the fog that always makes me lose my way... and there's this tinge of relief and feeling that despite the pain... i know, i just know... that he will not let me down... and that he will help us get through...

i didn't do that because im losing hope, but i did that coz im praying for it...

whahahahahahaha.......

oi in fairness... nkatulong ung pagtulog... tska ung pagbblog... kc after posting my blog... mejo nwala ung mga thoughts ko...tska kgbi.. pmnta ako ng terrace namin... at nagsulat... habang nagyoyosi... lol!!!

uhmm... i nid to breathe some fresh air... kya please... take me to antipolo... hahahahahahahaha!!!! gumawa ng dahilan... hahahahaha! if you notice... mejo jolly na ung mood ko... even though nakakabother na nmn ung nabasa kong shoutout kanina... di nmn ako nabother ng sobra... albeit... it gave me an idea pa nga eh... anyway... bkit kaya ung time ng blog ko... mali... tska ung date nia... late ng isang arw... parang gago... hahahahaha... ang weird... o ngaun!! sunday ngaun ha!! sunday!!! taz mmaya bka saturday na nmn ang makita ko.. hai..

monday na bukas.. taz sa tuesday... HUMANITIES na!!! sasayaw na ang mga mahal kong elite...!!! yipee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! manunuod ako... manunuod ako... bebebebebe....

gagawa nga ako ng mga placards eh... hihihihihihihi...

ang sarap tumawa... hahahahahahahahaha!!! mkha nmng hysterical ako ngaun noh... actually mejo nga... pwo mas gutso ko na itoh kesa na depressed...wat u think? hei? wat you think?

frustrated sleeping beauty...

all i want to do is sleep...!!!! sleep all day and sleep all night!! para sa ganun hndi na ako makapagisip... ayoko ng mgisp...!! ayoko ng isipin ung mga bagay na naiisip ko!!! ayoko na... pagod na utak ko... kya knina kapag naaalimpungatan ako sandali... pinipilit ko ulit matulog... tulog lng2x!!! kc the moment i wake up... bumabalik sakin ung mga thoughts... ayko na... huhuhuhuhu... naiiyak na ako...

hhhaaaiii... ang dami kong nrrmdamn ng sabay2x..., bumalik lahat.. ang dami ko na ulit gustong itanong, ang dami kong gustong malaman... ang dami ko ulit gustong sabhin... gusto ko ng bumalik sa nakasanayan ko... kc nakalimutan ko na ang mga itoh eh... bkit pa ako hinabol? nging kontento na ako sa kinalalagayan ko dati eh...

ayoko ng ganito.... nghhnty ulit ako para sa mga sagot na alam kong hndi ko nmn malalaman... nrrmdmn ko ulit ung mga feelings na pilit ko ng kinalimutan, bumabalik ulit ung mga alaala na wala na ngaung kabuluhan!!! shhhiiittt!!!!!! tulungan nio ako.. parang awa nio na... pahingi ng valium!!! pra makatulog ako ult ng tuloy2x!!! hndi ko n lm ggwin ko... Yahweh.. please shed me some light.. please...

i want to go to anitipolo!! ung lugar doon kung san ako pwede sumigaw on the top of my lungs.... ng wlang makikialam sakin!! para mailabas ko laht ng sama ng loob ko!! mailabas ko lht ng nrrmdmn ko... lht ng hinanakit na bumalot sa heart ko for the past 5 months... **can somebody please take me there!!! i beg of you... khit mgbayad ako bsta makapunta lng ako doon..** huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu....

*all i want is to forget everything all over again!!!!!*

losing my sim..... huhuhuhuhuhu....

hhhaaiii....... i lost my smart simcard!!! pinagsilbihn ako nun ng anim na taon!!! taz nwala lng xa ng ganun?? huhuhuhuhu... kakaiyak... kakalungkot... well... at least hndi celphone ang nwala... ung simcard lng ang kinuha... thank you parin Yahweh... muah!

aaaahhhh,,,,,,, actually di ko n nmn alam kung san n nmn ako lulugar... san nga ba? help nmn oh... should i continue this... ung way na pabalik sa knia or i will follow the road i've been paving for the past months? well... i can say.. that i got along!! i really got along without him...natuto akong mbuhay ng wla ung isa sa pinakaimportanteng tao sa buhay ko... it was really hard at first.... but,, nakya ko nmn khit papanu... kya aun..!! pwo kc,,, this is not happening without a reason eh... i min hndi ko ito mgagawa lht kung ayaw ni Yahweh na gawin ko itoh... bhla na... i dnt know na... laugh2x na lng ako!!! hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

at bout dun sa simcard ko... bibili n lng ako ng bagong sim na smart!! can u imagine... dumaan sa simcard na un ang lovelife ko in six years!!!!?!! but thinking bout that... its one good way of forgetting na rin... i'll take it as a blessing n lng!!! yeah... a blessing!!! muah!

it's kinda different this time...

uhmm... di ko alam kung tama ung ginwa ko... kung majujustify ko ba lht in the end... ang alm ko lng, it just FELT right...


and now i will continue moving on... like i did for the past few months...


pero isa lng ang cgurdo sa lht ng ito... at iyon ay... pag nging sobrng halaga ng isang tao sa buhay mo... khit anu pa ang mngyri betweeen the two of you... you may forget, lose contact, drift, fight, anything... babalik at babalik ka prin sa mga oras na kailngn knia... khit na isang parte ng pagkatao mo ay ngdadalawang isip sa gagawin mo...


i guess,,, our souls know what we really want, what is good for us, and what we really have to do and even if we continue dismissing the urge... in the end it shall always find a way to get what it really desires... after all... our souls is what makes us alive...


uhmm... you see,,, its knda different this time... i didnt shed tears coz of the pain he inflicted on me... but i shed tears, once again, because of the pain that hurts him...


kinda weird if you think... i cried for the person who used to make me cry... isnt it ironic? this is one the major ironies life has brought me... thank you!!! ang lakas!! hahaha...