Hoping for the saga to continue.... xD

"Its about love, hate, sacrifice, friendship, family, decision, destiny... disparity and harmony all at the same time... "

the Twilight Saga is something more than four books... it goes beyond the life and love of the red-head girl Isabella Swan and golden-eyed vampire Edward Cullen... it transcends time itself... reading it is more like magical, its more than just another piece of literature... its perfect... even beyond perfect!

I can say that reading Twilight alone won't suffice, it will keep you begging for more... its kinda addicting... but its worth it! and even at the last page of Breaking Dawn... you'll wish that... that it wont end...no yet... not just yet...not ever! you'll wish that their life and love story... that the saga will continue on and on... and i doubt if you'll ever get tired of reading it...

I've read hundreds of books... im a self-proclaim book addict... i adore works of judith mcnaught to mitch albom, from paolo coelho to anne rice... from rl stine to john grisham... and obviously i'm not picky on books.., i read everything i get my hands on... finished the harry potter saga twice!...
but reading Stepehenie Meyer's work... is a totally different experience...

i still have a huge hangover from it.., thou i'm done with the saga yesterday...

honestly, it made me cry... wanna know why? secret... read and figure it out...

I'm glad i read the book.... its worth every added eye bag i got...


hahahaha....


I love Renesmee.... hahahaha!
I so want to be like her!

**you wouldn't want to be in my shoe....**

"bakit ko pa susbukan na iwan ka at mabuhay ng wala ka kung alam ko namang hindi ko kaya..?!"

im in daze the whole day... alam ko marami dpt akong gawin, pwo hindi ko nagawa...
nanuod lng ako ng TV buong araw... ang dami kong iniisp...^_^

im worried about him....ayoko ung ganito! na hindi ko lam kung anu ngyyri sa knya..kung asan xa! ayaw na ayaw kong umalis sa tabi nia na alam kong mayroon xang dinaramdam... natatkot ako sa kung anong pwedeng nyang gawin... damn, naiiyak na ako! :(

hindi ko alm kung anu ngyyri sakin...pero buong arw na ito! i can't seem to get my mind off him! i'm worried, that's all i know... scared and worried...

my dream last night, it wasn't good... he told me that's he's leaving... than i woke up having a painful heart. i don't want him to go... i just can't go on without him... for as long as i know he needs someone, i can't go and i wouldn't want him to go... the mere thought of him leaving scares me, i can't see him go away,, not again...

i know im being selfish! i know that! the world can call me selfish, conceited... anything! but still, they won't understnd how i feel... how much i treasure him... how much he means to me... well,i can let him go if i want to...i'll just tell him to go and that i'll be fine... but i cant! i dont want to! coz i know that i won't be alright! i wont be alright!!!! for once, i want the one person who matters to me stay... stay... my father left me when he died... my bestfriend did when he migrated... i was nver the same..!

important men in my life seem to have a pattern,and that is too leave me... and now that i can decide if he shall stay, then why the hell would i allow him to go? why?
tell me...?

i'm so sorry for being selfish... i just cant let him go...again...
i'm sorry...

my past comes hurling back...

ai nakakhiya nmn ako... mahigit two months na pla nung huli akong nagsulat dito... paxenxa..

newei, san ba ako mgsisimula? ...hindi ko alam...hhaaii... nakakahiya tlga...

o cge,, uumpsihan ko sa nangyri kanina...

a while ago, i was looking at nathaniel's profile...and ive decided to give him a commnt.. ang sbi ko dun,,, "musta kna thaniel? its been a long time..npadaan lng ako sa profile mo.. take care.." taz nisip ko bigla... 'shit.. xa ung dati kong mahal.. ung taong nagpsaya at nagpalungkot ng buhay ko dati...' mahal na mahal ko un dati sobra... ni hindi ko nga mabilang kung ilng balde ang naiyak ko dahil sa kanya... he left me so many memories... so fucking many... but at present, all i can remember are the good ones... maybe coz i dnt want to remmber the ones that made me cry... its true that memories are a good thing, if u just dnt have to deal with the past...

marami akong natutunan dhil kay nathaniel...natuto akong magmahl ng lubos, magbigay, at tanggapin ang katotohann na di lht ng minamahal ntin ay kaya rin taung mahalin... ive learned my leeson well enuf...

kanina hbng pngmamsdan ko ang picture nia, naisp ko na anu kya kung mhalin ko xa ulit? anu kaya kung bumalik ako sa buhay nia? anu kya? anu kya ang mangyayari sakin pag gnwa ko un? nkakatawa... hindi ko kya... ang hirap pla tlga bumalik sa nakaraan... its like i can't open my heart for him again...for his chapter in my life is through... at kahit na hinahayaang kong isipin na mhalin xa ulit, dhil cguro sa lam ko na kung panu, hindi prin!

pwo masya prin ako.. despite evrything,dhil may isang nathaniel ang dumting sa buhay ko, minahal, iniyakan at kinalimutan kung panu mahlin...

love nevr goes away... it only fades... i may not love nathaniel like i used to, but i know i still love him in some uncanny sort of way...

"hEaRt OvErHaUlEd...???"

my lifestyle changed nung ngtrabaho ako... well, bumaliktad ang araw at gabi ko... halos la na akong kain at matutulog na lng... di na ako nkakapanuod ng TV... di ko n alam kung anu ngyari sa nging election eh! di na ako nkakadlaw sa coc... umaalis na ako halos every saturday! uuwi ako ng madaling araw...!! di katuld ng dati na sa bahay lng ako.. magkakape lng ako sa starbucks,its either sa morato or araneta buong gabi... sabay hithit ng yosi,sarap.. pantanggal pagod... hekhek!!

this job opened many windows for me... more choices... more possibilities for love to come in... more waves of smile.. more people to talk to... more hi's and hello's... this is actually good..

anyway... may kilig moments ba ako these past few days...?? hhmm.. yoko mgsalita!! hekhek! cge na nga... meron... yah, mwon... pwo di ko n lng muna iisipin... keme lng un... but i wont deny na it made this week easier and happier for me... ^_^
the person im talking bout is not anyone that u know of... he is someone new... ^_^

i nid a new spice... a new heart... a new inspiration... a new "someone"... hahahaha... coz im sure that a new "someone" would definitely do me good... heart overhauled ba itoh? haha... y not? hekhek.. for a change namn...db? hekhek..

The long wait is over,,.. im sorry Twinkle...! ^_^

after almost one month... mgpopost ulit ako ng entry sa blog ko!! yipee...
u know wat... i miss doing this... sobra! pero kc khit gutso kong gumwa ng new entry... hindi kya ng utak at katwan ko... kc paguwi ko ng haus..diretso na ako kama at mtutulog na ako buong araw...dhil buong gabi...nsa work ako... paxenxa na tlga.. nahihya nga ako buksan ung blog ko eh...feeling ko ang laki ng kasalann ko kay Twinkle!

marami-rami nrin akong iniisp... marami nrin ang ngyri... pwo merong mga bgay na hndi ko alm kung papanu sabhin dito... pwo maguumpisa parin ako...

Work: ang status ko ngaun sa work...? probi na ako... employee na ako ng Winsource! and i got my first paycheck nung 15!! damn! im working na tlga! hahaha! nung una nhirapn ako sa work ko... kala nila madali ang call center,,,oi! hind ah! try kya nila mgsalita for 8 hours..!! anyway...sabi ko nga nhirpn ako nung una... pwo ngaun... im beginning to love it na! kc i've realized that walang mngyayari skin kung ko mamahalin ang trabaho ko...mapalad na ako kc may work ako..! tska napamahal na sakin ung mga officemates ko!! sila carla, bj, zhy, mark, pj at marami png iba..!! ^_^ but the question is...di ko lm kung hanggng kelan lang ako.. kc yoko mginterfere ung work ko sa studies ko eh,,, kc mas importnte prin ung studies ko.. pwo i'll cross the bridge when i get there na lng...basta ang mahalaga..lam ko kung anu dpt kong gwin... hehe!

Elite: hai! as usual!! kung san2x n nmn mi nkkpnta!! khit may work, wlang keme yan! no prob! bsta hinila ng paa...gora lng! fred and i are in the same account.. while sey is in another... kimmy, is making her way to and fro sa haus ng cousins nia! darlyn...i just know i miss her... :( i miss that daughter of mine... :( bibat, have no idea...ang lam ko lng ngwowok xa sa oneglobal... guilly, our next birthday boy! sa sat...diretso kmi sa Bataan after work! para sa celebration nia!! haha! elden, i just hope she is okay... :( jm..aun...araw2x ko prin tintwgn sa haus nila pwo la nmn xa...o kya tulog... hekhek... kael,my bunso! he is enjoying summer!! that im sure! aiko..in the middle of making her first novel!! see? elite eh! rj, sowi! total peformer na ngaun ang pamangkin ko!! si jayson..kaxama si darla kya panatag ang kalooban ko na okay lng sila... si gemxon...ang huling balita ko..ngwowork narin xa,, si hazel, last week ko xa huling nakachat eh... si minggay,i have no idea kung san na ung anak kong un!! huhuhu! si masaru...i just he is okay rin...sna ok lng sila dalawa ni den... at si mart????? si mart...???? ok lng nmn ata.. nung isang araw xa huling ngtext...ewan ko kung nsan un ngaun...

At yan ang latest news as Elite! haha... actually latest yan aun sa akin pgkakaalam.. hekhek! kc ako mismo naiiwnn na ng panahon eh... hekhek...


one thing ive learned from the past month,,, whenever may hinain sau ang buhay... take it! enjoy it! try to love it... kc may purpose lht un eh! khit na mhirpn ka, sa una lng yan... alisn mo lht ng agam2x mo... then slowly... u will learn to accept, slowly u will begin to realize that... life is REALLY fun! it isnt ufair... its just how u deal with it!

ngpapasalamt ako sa aking trabaho,sa mama ko at sister ko, sa akng trainor na si sir john, sa aking TL na si maam violan at sir mickey... sa aking elite, kay mart... for helping me realize these things... for helping me gain more undrstndng...much more than i've wanted to.. and xempre kay Yahweh! muah!

Recon???

opo... tama po ang nabsa mo sa naunang entry ko knina... "sabi namn skin ni elias..." elias...

yah.. sa mga constant readers ko.. at mga frenships ko... cguwo iniisp nio kung ok na kmi... kc obviously we had a conversation dba? well... im thinking of not disclosing everything here kc may makakabasa... duh? to think na blog ko itoh noh... and ang lakas ng loob ko na mgname ng names in the past...

uhmm... damn... parng ang chicken ko na!! humpf!! cge na nga! mgsasalita na ako... ^_^

if truth be told... after i posted my entry last april 5, entitled thinking things through... ngsawa na tlga ako... un ung last straw... two weeks passed then he called me up asking for my help...to find a certain number... we talked and laughed like we used too... its as if nothing happen... nothing ever happened... pati ako na-amaze eh, inisip ko... panu ngyari un? hahaha... and i was bewildered after that phone call... xmpre as a good person, hinanap ko ung number... and since nagpapahinga ung mga satellite ko... nahirapn akong hnpn ung owner ng number... i called him up after a few days telling him na di ko mhnp... twanan ulit... kwento... di katuld nung dati pag nguusap kmi... noong ang gulo2x pa... actually... msaya ako kc khit papanu... it went well in the end... at alam ko na...si Yahweh ang may gawa nito...

the next night... ngkasundo kmi ng mgkita sa Shang.. ksama ko si fred at sey... i waited for one hour... ni anino ni elias... di ko nkita... but when i was waiting there alone... i knew he would come... khit na lowbat na ung two phones nia... at di ko xa macontact... still i knew na darating xa... i found out na late xa ininterview... kya late xa nkpunta... nangaway pa xa guard sa Shang...
i dunno... khit mtgl na kmi di nguusp...at dumating sa punto na di ko na xa kilala... na yaw ko na xa makilala... na sobra na ung mga nyari sa amin... still... sitting there alone in Shang, half scared and half worried... narealize ko na i still have faith in him... na he would come...come what may...like before...

nung sat ng gabi... umalis ako,si kim,fred,sey at xa... pnta kmi g8way... nag ukay2x, then uminom kmi ng coffee sa starbucks... it was then when i saw him laughing again... at hndi ako natawa dhil sa rason kung bkit xa tumatawa, tumawa ako dhil nkita ko xang tumatawa...well it has been a long time...6 months...

ok... itoh na ang mga present views ko sa mga ngyari...

im happy kc for no reason... prng out of the blue... ngprmdm ulit si mart... pati kela kimmy... ngttxt na xa ulit... hndi ko na mkita ung barrier na naktayo sa gitna namin dati...sa gitna nia at elite... di ko nrin mrmdmn ulit ung coldness between us... ung coldness na nakakapatay... he is warm again... anu kaya nakain nia...? i wnt to know... naumpog kya..? sana nahalata nia kung ganu namin xa namiss, kung gano kami enjoy ksma xa... kung gano kmi ngcacare...even though we are different...!

masaya rin ako kc... God took away more than half of my pains, before ngprmdm ulit si mart... kc kung hndi.. nku... Goodluck... sbi ng isang fren ko... i wont name that person na lng... sabi nia... "may kulng prin xa kc di prin nia narerealize lht ng gnawa niang mali..."... ang akin nmn... i know we still have alot to talk about... i just dont know when, how and where to start... but we still have to talk... now pa na di ko n mhnp ung more than half of my anger... kya mas peaceful na ako ngaun... hahaha! spoiled prin sakin si mart... pwo yayo ko ulit xa... joke! hahaha!

before i sleep... i wnt to add something... i am not where i used to stand... things are not the same... and i know that... i lost something very importnt... and i dnt know if i can still get it back... but this is for sure...once na mawala ung essence ng friendship... mahirap na...

"the stone cutter"

Holy Week ngaun db? sabi nila now is the right time to reflect on one's life...
reflect...reflect...reflect... ako kc nkkpgreflect ako pag kailangn ko na tlga o kya nmn kunwari may nabasa ako o narinig na angkop sa buhay ko...

every sunday nakagawian na ng mama ko bumili ng Phil. Star para sakin... at ako dapt ang unang hahawak noon!! pag may nakialam before me... tepok!! hinihimay-himay ko ung sections ng broadsheet at kukunin ko lng ung mga gusto kong basahin... ^_^ so pagkataz ko... manipis na lng ung dyaryo.. haha! at un na lng ang pagttyagaan ng mga ksama ko sa bahay... hahaha! ang bad ko noh?!! ^_^ newei, last night ko lng nabsa ang weekly column ni Jim Paredez noong march 18... tagal na noh...? newei... ung title ng article nia ay Coming Full Circle...

I will post here a modern day parable... na nbasa ko sa column niya... i think that this parable is for those who are not contented with their lives and for those who wants what they have to suffice...

"there was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life. one day he passed a wealthy merchant's house. through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. 'how powerful that merchant must be!' thought the stone cutter. he became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.

to his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beatings gongs. everyone, no matter how wealthy had to bow low before the procession. 'how powerful that official is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be a high official!'

then he became the high officical, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. it was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. he lookep up the sun. it shone proudly in the sky, unaffeted by his presence. 'how powerful the sun is!' he thought. 'i wish that i could be the sun!'

then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. but a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light coud no longr shine on everything below. 'how powerful that storm cloud is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be a cloud'

then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. but soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. 'how powerful the wind is!' he thought. 'I wish that i could be the wind'

then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. but after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering rock. 'how powerful that rock is!' he thought. 'I wish i could be that rock!'

then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. but as he stood there, he heard the sound of hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. 'what could be more powerful than i, the rock?' he thought.

he looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter..."


the end... now you reflect.... go! reflect!

thinking things through...

WRITING A BLOG!!! writing here makes me share my life to everyone...
its feels good to know that hndi ko sinasarili ang buhay ko!!! na
nararansan ko rin ang mga nraransan ng iba.. na im being transparent
not only to myself but to the whole internet-literate community
worldwide... what a vast dominion for a single voice!!!

newei..knina sa panaginip ko... nakabuo ako ng isang paragraph para sa
entry na itoh... pwo di ko matandaan....sayng!

newei...ito ung una kong thought...here it goes...

alam nio im the type of person na pag ayaw kitang kauspin... di tlga
kita kakausapin, hinding-hindi ako magaaksaya ng laway ko para sau...
and that the least thing that i would do for you is tell you that i dnt wnt to talk to you... just that simple and transparent!! pero sana kung may taong ayaw rin akong kausp sbhn rin sakin ng mabuti... hndi ung aarte pa ng kung anu2x...e kulang na lng e sabhing nanghihingalo na xa at hindi na xa maaaring kauspin!! duh!! hello... hndi nmn ako tanga pra hndi malamn ung change ng mood at voice db? duh!! super duh!!! kakainis lng... kala nmn kc kung sinung super importnt person eh... xa na nga ung ineeffortan, xa pa ung INDIFFERENT!!!!!! anu twag dun? dba
inconsiderate? INCONSIDERATE!!!!! dba? dba? dba? kakainis... parang
ang hopeless2x n tlga eh... masahol pa skin na may ID... jusko... nwawalan na ako ng layaw... prng i want to erase that person's existence in my life once and for all na!! para.. tapos2x na!! pakibura nga po ung pahina ng buhay ko na present xa!!! pweeess! kc pagod n nmn ako... pagod na pagod n nmn... pra rin kc, feeling ko ngwa ko n lht ng maaari kong gwin, and i have nothing more to give... nothing more...end of the line...

nakakatawa kc heto n nmn ako... nndito n nmn ako sa posisyon na
gnito... bkit nga ba? sabi nga ni jill kay alwyn sa Flordeluna: "bkit
pa ba ako ngpapaapekto sau, e wala ka namang silbi sa buhay ko?!!!" ang sarap sbhin noh...? ang srap isigaw... kya please lng... end my misery and tell me face-to-face that im the worst friend anyone can have and that im hopeless and that you wont be needing me in any way anymore...and tell me to go... para masabi ko na yang linyang yan... and the spotlight would be on me.

sa pasukan... you wont see me as frequent as before... o! bonus na yan
ha... ayoko na... pwo sna kya kitang tiisin... sna kya kitang
talikuran... ktulad ng gnwa mo... at ung galit ko sau...? just wait and see... i'll be ending it soon... not for you but for me... im sick and tired of you being indifferent, cold, insensitive, inconsiderate... i can only suffer much...


ayan,,, nailabas ko na ang panibago kong sama ng loob... this is what i really feel at this moment... di mn ito ang mrmdmn ko mmya... maaari
itong magbago.. but the bottom line is narmdamn ko itoh unfortunately...

gusto lng nmn na makausap ka... tska may ishashare lng nmn ako n
problem ko eh... kc dba sabi mo... "if u nid sam1 to tok to, i wud be
hir.." sabi ko na nga ba... hindi totoo ung mga isinulat mo eh... :(

ABMYTMPLAKO? hahaha..anu daw? praises for Bob Ong!!

natutunan ko sa isang librong pinamagatang "ABNKKBSNPLAKO" ni Bob Ong...

pag feeling mo napagiiwanan k n ng buong mundo.. dahil sa lht ng kaplpakan na ngwa mo... o di kya dahil sa lht ng kamalsan at sakit na nrmdmn mo..., isa lang ang solusyon... tumayo ka... pwo wag mo habulin ang mundo... dahan2x ka muna... unti2x mong itama lht... unti2x mong ausin ang lht ng mali... at isang arw mkikita mo na unti2x nang umiikot ulit ang mundo... at ksma kna namn...

yan ang gngwa ko... unti2x kong inaayos ang mga gusot na at puro bakas ng pamburang bahagi ng buhay ko...


si Bob Ong na ang isa sa pinaka-favorite kong author!!! ever!!

ito muna for now... di ko pa kc naoorganize mind ko kung nu ba tlga ang uunahin kong sulatin... madami kc ang nsa utak ko ngaun eh... ang dami2x... mmyang umaga pagkagising... gagwa ako... taz ipopost ko sa madling arw...dhil la na ako net card... kailngn mgtipid... hehehe...

knina hbng ngffrenster ako... may nkita ako... kakashock..!! isa itoh sa mga bagay sa buhay na hindi ko mbgyan ng karampatang explanation... kakawindang... bukas.... mababasa nio na... salmat sa mga bumisita sa blog ko... wag kayo snang magsawa bumisita dto... mgrecruit nrn po kayo ng ibng tao para basahin ang blog ko... (ang kapal noh? lol..)

blogging makes.... (tom na yan...)
unexplainable.... (tom ulit yan...)
blah...blah...blah....

filling the holes....

im much better na... nakatulog na me ng matagal-tagal... ^_^ mga 12 hours... wkekekekekekeke!!!

i went to cavite... xempre with elite!!!^_^

haha,,, kakaaliw kc everytime na umaalis kmi, para kaming nasa isang reality show... kc before mkapunta kmi sa destination marami png ngyayari..!! nilakad namin ung tabi ng high-way sa may pasay dhil nndun ung sakayan ng bus!! my gesh! ang init! nakashorts pa ako.. si fred nga naglabas na ng towel! haha!

nung naisipn nmin sumakay n lng ng taxi... ang hinayupak na driver sinisingil kmi ng aabot sa 350pesos! e utot nyah!! kya bumaba kami... taz nghntay na lng kmi ng bus...

bumaba kmi ng SM Bacoor... dhl doon kmi susunduin ni elden... at dhil old habits never die... pmnta kmi ng Watsons at kumuha kmi ni fred ng tester ng sunblock.. hehehe... mainit kc eh.. tska tester nmn un eh kya free un....
hehehe... tpos bumaba kmi ng foodcourt...doon na namin nkita si elden na naka-shades... ^_^

we went to her house after that and stayed there for lunch and a couple of hours more... then at three we went to Kawit Cavite... kc dun ung resort na tutuluyan namin...ito ung cherry's pavillion!

the place was big enough for us...tatlong malalaking pool, dami nga lng tao nung hapon pa... mga shungagets!! tska kasma ung sister at baby cousin ni elden kaya di kmi agad nakastart... picture2x na lng kmi,, yosi at baraha....

nung umuwi na ung mga chikiting... un na!! bingo!!! we are free!!!! ngluto kmi ng barbeque na konti lng ang gas kya ang tagal nagkaroon ng baga ung uling..!! hahahaha!!! kmi nmn ni kim... ngbabaraha...nagkkwentuhan sabay yosi!! wat a life!!?

pagkaluto ng matigas pwo malinamnam na barbeque..kumain na kmi... konti lng kinain ko... pwo si sey... ndi!! as usual! lol!!! after that... ngswimming na kmi... pwo si kimmy naiwn sa cottage.... dahil sa hair nia... dnt ask!!

ang saya2x... ngslide kmi... nung unang slide ko... tuloy2x ako hanggang ilalim ng tubig!! muntik na ako malunod hinatak na lng ako ni fred.. hahaha!!! ang haharot namin!!! mga lakas trip!!! si guillan ang haba ng hair nia sa tubig, si fred naman... prang porcupine!! lol!!! nasipa ko nga mukha ni sey eh.... inasar nia kc ako eh... face shot tuloy!! lol!!! si den nmn...dun lng kasama si masaru na may salbabida kc di xa marunong lumangoy... lol!!! ang saya!!!

12am na nsa pool parin kmi... overyt kmi dun eh... ^_^ o dba overnyt stay? sosyal! well.. yan ang barkada... sama2x khit walang tulog!! ang ingay ko sa pool... kumakanta ako... taz sumabay narin sakin si fred, kya ngkaroon ng libreng radio sa may pool!!

ako ung unang uminom ng GSM Blue... ako lng ang tumatagay!!! biro nio!! nung dumating na sila fred galing banlaw... ayan na... may kasma na ako uminom...

pwo actually.. kmi nga lang ni guillan ung uminom eh... one on one kmi... lol!! taz ang dada na namin... puro kwento!! wlang saysay!! pwo masyang kwentuhan prin ng mga magkakaibigan... eh ako nmn... naglabas ng sama ng loob... and in that moment lalo ko nafeel ung galit... lol!!

we went home at 4am... at habang nasa bus ako... ang layo ng tingin ko... lumipad na nmn ug utak ko... pmnta xa sa moon..

pagkapasok sa room ni den diretso ako sa kama! and seconds after nkitext ako... knockout agad... nagising ako ng 6:30am...taz pumikit ako ulit kc pinipilit ko i-continue ung panaginip ko... pwo wala eh.. lalo lang akong nainitan!! kaya aun... nagising na ako... at nagising na rin sila!! ang ingay ko kc!! hehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!

umalis kmi sa house ni elden ng 12noon...arrived at my house with kimmy by 2pm.... slept at 10pm... woke up this morning at 10am...

see? what a day... what a trip!!! being with friends that matters to you... laughing at their corny jokes, making a fool out of each other, free to be yourself... it is fun...to have fun!! especially when you have your happiness around... ^_^ at lalo pang gumanda kc... di ako umitim kc gabi kmi naligo sa pool!!! yahoo!!!!!!!!

i cant remmber kung pang-ilan ng lakad itoh ng elite... ang dami na tlga kc... msan konti lng kmi... mnsan di ako kasama... mnsan sila lang... pwo khit ganun... khit mkhng di kmi makumpleto... walang kaso... masaya prin... kc baliktarin mo man ang mundo... khit dlawa lng kmi ni kimmy... elite xa, elite ako... magkasma kmi...kya para naring kasama ung iba... ^_^

sa mga susunod na trip ng elite this summer... sa birthday ni darla itong month at nila guily at den sa may... ^_^ sna muli ko n namang marinig ang halakhak ni fred at arjhaye, maaaliw sa pagaaway ni guillan at sey... tatawa sa lokohan namn ni kimmy... maramdaman ang sweetness at lambing ni den at darla... bibilib sa mga hirit ni kael... yayakapin ulit ang anak kong si aiko... aabangan ang mga kalokohan ni bibey... mageenjoy sa company ng mga bagong elite... sila jm, hazel, gem, masaru, jayson at minggay... at hopefully ang feeling n maksama ulit ang kapatid kong si elias...

i really love the people i've mentioned ... thank you for filling my incomplete life... muah.... sa uulitin.... *wink*

the silver lining.....

im hir na... now where should i begin??? hmm...let me think... gosh!!! memory overload!! lol... joke lng... o cge na nga start na ako...

i love reading... i read anything under the sun... it makes me preoccupied! it takes me away to this special place where i sit under a big maple tree and listen to the sounds of my mind while it digests every word it beats... and after finishing book after book after book... i reflect on what i've learned... "All tales has to end but lessons are never to be forgotten like memories..."... what retains in your heart is what matters...

i have these "quotable quotes" stored up in my mind... sayings, sentences, thoughts, ideas, realizations, words to live by, that i tell people now and then... depends on the situation, depends on whether i remember it or not... haha! i usually say these things to help a friend... hoping that it would help them too... like what it did to me... but i never thought people would actually recall me saying it... my dearest friend Jm... he qouted me on his shoutout on friendster... it says "my heart is not broken, it's just incomplete..."... it struck me..! i told myself.. "wow! someone besides my bes really listened to me!! haha! nice one!" i actually dnt know the reason why Jm posted it... but the fact that certain thought came from me...damn, it was priceless!!! thank you Jm... for listening though im a chatterbox! and also for your present shoutout... wkekekekeke.... muah!

"my heart is not broken, it is just incomplete..." i have been looking for the perfect description as to what position my heart is currently living in... and i think i found it... being incomplete is not like the end of the world! its not really that bad... yes, i admit... a part of it is lost somewhere... God only knows where... but living with an incomplete heart keeps me striving... insisting to make it whole again, someday...

being incomplete can be an advantage... you just have to find your way around it... and finding it is one hell of an exercise!! hahaha....

second chances...

posted: march 30, 8:15pm

after posting my entry a while ago... i came to a halt and lay in my bed to think...

(believe me when i say, being a thinker is sometimes agrravating...)

there were several things that whoosh my mind into the "thinker's world"...
it was mostly about my previous entry and my bathing outfit for sunday, of cors!
then i went downstairs and hooked the tv up to Star Movies... and watch the life story of Fantasia Barrino... yah! the 3rd or 4th American Idol...*im not sure* she had a painful early life but look at her now! and she sings like... like she was meant to!

you know what... i'll let you in on a secret... when i was child... i dreamt of becoming a famous singer, like Regine or Mariah... i practically sang all my way from elementary to high school! countless times i sang on stage... with or without accompaniment... less than a hundred or more than a thousand audience... it doesn't matter... music was my life... singing was my passion... but it all changed when i entered college... i dnt know... it disappeared like poof! im not saying that i dnt want to sing on stage anymore... i love to do it again... i miss doing it... but my passion plunged into a deep slumber and i cant wake it up... honestly, smoking got in my way... my voice is not like it used to... then i began not reaching the tone i desired... well... to cut the story short, my love for music slowly faded away,...

i still sing... for myself, with my friends, and sometimes, should i say for my undying fans,... haha... yet i dont sing like i used to... no melody in my heart... no passion in my veins... no rhythm in my soul... im like a dead singer nowadays... and im hoping for someone or something to revive me to sing again...

a second chance... im hoping for a second chance even if i dont wanna believe in it...

the cushion beneath my heavy heart...

do you like routines? ung tipong parati ganun na lng ang takbo ng buhay mo... ung walang change..? ako hndi... i hate routines... feeling ko mamimiss ko ang life pag parating isang way lng ang daan ko...

habits? do you have habits...? nail-biting habits... excessive smoking habits... and alot more... i do... lotsa them....

i will tell you one of my most noble habits... take note... noble?!!! yah... noble... there is this chapel in teresa,,, ung malapit sa main... sa tabi ng basketball court at health center...lam nio ba un? alm nio, hindi pwedeng hndi ako dumaan sa chapel na un...khit malalate na ako... dadaan tlga ako... as in! mgppray ako kay Yahweh sandali taz mgkkwnto... khit gabi na... khit may ksama pa ako... basta hndi pwede hndi!

knina.. dumaan ako dun... papuntang main... ngdasal ako... ang sabi ko kay Yahweh... wag nia pabayaan mama ko... at sna maubos ung mga food na niluto sa canteen namin... taz all of sudden my mind traced back to my dillema bout a certain friend... then i prayed... ang sabi ko kay Yahweh... "Yahweh, ang gulo po ng isip at puso ko... hndi ko maintndhn kung anu ang dapt kong marmdmn.. kung anu ang dpt kong gawin... Yahweh.. . ipauubaya ko na lng po sainu laht... at maniniwala ako na kung man ang mangyari... iyon ay para sa kabutihan naming dalwa... ikaw na po ang bahala"

technically... i left it all to Yawhweh's divine hands... it feels good, when you lift something up to the Lord and believing in him... trust that everything will be alright in the end.. that things will work its way out with his divine love... i did that coz, i know i'd still have personal inquiries...doubts, pains...in my heart and lifting everything up to him will lessen my tendencies to do things my way... which is im sure will be a disaster...and i might end up hurting myself more...

lifting up something to Yahweh clears the fog that always makes me lose my way... and there's this tinge of relief and feeling that despite the pain... i know, i just know... that he will not let me down... and that he will help us get through...

i didn't do that because im losing hope, but i did that coz im praying for it...

it's kinda different this time...

uhmm... di ko alam kung tama ung ginwa ko... kung majujustify ko ba lht in the end... ang alm ko lng, it just FELT right...


and now i will continue moving on... like i did for the past few months...


pero isa lng ang cgurdo sa lht ng ito... at iyon ay... pag nging sobrng halaga ng isang tao sa buhay mo... khit anu pa ang mngyri betweeen the two of you... you may forget, lose contact, drift, fight, anything... babalik at babalik ka prin sa mga oras na kailngn knia... khit na isang parte ng pagkatao mo ay ngdadalawang isip sa gagawin mo...


i guess,,, our souls know what we really want, what is good for us, and what we really have to do and even if we continue dismissing the urge... in the end it shall always find a way to get what it really desires... after all... our souls is what makes us alive...


uhmm... you see,,, its knda different this time... i didnt shed tears coz of the pain he inflicted on me... but i shed tears, once again, because of the pain that hurts him...


kinda weird if you think... i cried for the person who used to make me cry... isnt it ironic? this is one the major ironies life has brought me... thank you!!! ang lakas!! hahaha...

dusk before dawn...

we won!! we won!! we won!! bbrc 2-1d is the inter-section debate champion!!! yahoo!! pretty tight match but our UNSHAKEABLE debate team... wiggled their way through it with ease... plus the fact that... we won't be having out finals anymore!!! whahahahahaha!!!

candidly, bout the crossroads i was talking bout the other day,,, some are almost pristinely glimmering with hope and good news... i'll be taking my exams for Psychology tomorrow... handing my take home quiz for deabte to Jm tom also... but this will only happen if LTS will pursue this friday....but if not.. then baby, these preparations are too ahead of time... ^_^ but no matter what happens... i'll see to it that once again i shall experience the breathtaking, adrenaline pumping memory of participating in LTS this year!


dusk... or dawn? which do you prefer? the rising of the sun or the guidance of the moon? uhmm... i dont really know... maybe its in the way one looks at it... or its in the way one links it to their lives...

Dawn signals us for a new beginning, it reminds us that God will always give us a fresh start and that heartaches will eventually subside one glorious morning light... its kinda similar with the saying "there is always a rainbow after the rain"... cool... a reguvinating thought! a hopeful account in life... its nice... don't you think so? whenever i wake up in the morning... i always thank Yahweh that he still allowed me to wake up one more time... a scary truth but a truth nontheless... maybe thats the reason why i live my life like this...trying my best to act out my day as if it were the last... great! but you know what sometimes its hard to live each day knowing that there's a big part of you that has gone missing... floating somewhere... across another person's shore... which is already unreachable... but then again you still try to live and convince yourself that you're doing alright... that you're doing fine,,, than you can go on and live... laugh... and love... all by yourself!

so you see... evrything in this world has an opposite and that if one only perceives more than he thinks... he shall see that opposites are present not to oppose but to balance and support their counterpart... like yin and yang... they co-exist...
so meaning to say if dawn brings new life and hope, dusk teaches you to how to move on and let go...

a very helpful insight for a very stubborn mind...
(present!!)

whoever reads this article fo mine... i hope that i have shed some light to your life somehow...

thank you very much... ^_^

ciao...

stranger in my midst...

today is monday... the 12th day of the 3rd month of the year...
at ilang arw nalng LTS na!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yahoo... ^_^ but i still hve some crossroads to pass through before friday so... with cross-fingers i'll try passing through these with caution... ^_^

newei... lets talk bout being a stranger... its very hard to be a lone strnger in a plce... especially when they look at u as if u're not welcome...
but how does it feel to act like a stranger to someone you used to know so well? and act as if nothing ever transpired between the two of you... and engage in a conversation that might have actually fooled anyone that u dont really know each other...
you'll start with "hey... you look familiar... have we met before..?" and the rest is history.. haha..

you might think that ive lost my wits... conjuring a thought like this..
but... i have this fair insight... kinda hard for me to put it into words...
but let me try...

you see... wen you actually lost a fren.. abruptly or slowly... violently or casually... (it really doesnt matter how)... the bridge between the two you will suddenly collapse. ppooff! not necessarily masira lht agd but hndi na ito buo...
magdedepnde rin ang wreckage sa kung anu ang ngyri... mas msakit mas grabe...

so lets go for the worst scenario... ung total wreckage because of the impudent after shocks... (gnwang earthquake!! lol!)
ung tipong... di kau evr mn ngkakilala!! taz ung tipong...la na tlga ung connection... kung baga sa celphone... la ng bat, la na load at na-erase pa ung number!!! kabboom!! tragic!!!

so aun nga... para mkgpusap ulit kau, (dhil gusto nio prin nmn kauspin ang isa't-isa khit papanu... dhil u miss talking to each other rin...) na hndi nio kailangn pgusapn ung mga ngyari... at dhil sa turingan nio na ay msahol pa sa strangers... e act as if di nga tlga kau ngkakilala... para khit sa ganun... marmdmn nio ung presence ng isa't-isa ulit khit sglit lng... at least sa conversation naun... u can talk nething under the sun... bsta make sure na lang sisira ng mundo nio.. haha!! kumbaga sa comm theory pa e ito ung CMM o MMC.. ai ewan nakalimtn ko... hahaha...basta un na un!
nwei... so ganun nga... u can feel each other's presnce for a mean time and then deicide in the end if you want to continue acting that way...start acting the way u used to... or let that experience be a memory na lng... that will depend sa mrrmdamn ninyo... but u can break the illusion midway and talk things over... discuss the past.. it will be a bit risky,a little bit painful, a little bit nerve-racking but if its really meant to happen... heck, it will!!

pwo lm nio kung nu pkmhrp sa snsbi ko... ang pnkmhrp ay ung kayanin mong magpanggap na hndi mo nrrmdmn ung sakit hbng kausp xa... ouch noh?? yah...


u see... i dnt know if this insight of mine will work for me... haha... ewan ko... one part of me yearns to find a way to mend the broken bridge... to rebuild it to its glorious past... maybe i shall try or maybe not...

i really dont know yet... i have yet to know...
when that day comes...
when that day comes...

T.G.I.F.... ^_^

it's me again... nu b sasabhin ko sau?? wait... ah... nga pla... knina isa lng ang class ko... kc di na ako pumasok sa 3rd subject ko... wkekekekeke.... taz bukas na ung closing ng comcampaign namin... haiii salmat namn...

at mmya pgktaz kita gawin... babashin ko na ulit ung Celestine Prophecy... di ko pa kc xa taz eh... hehehehehe.... nagaus si mama ng kwarto kya malinis ang kwarto namin ngaun... at bago narin ang pwesto ng p.c. namin... ^_^ this time next week... hopefully nsa LTS ako... ksma ang elite.. ^_^ lam mo twinkle...si pongpong namin tulog ng tulog... khit saan xa hihiga para xang unan... ang cute2x nga nia eh... ^_^

knina bang kumakain ako ng dinner na egg at hotdog... naisip ko na... once again im in the stage in my life na wlang lamn ang puso ko... wla... (im reffering to someone special ha...) tulad ng nkasanayan ko... wla ito nrrmdamn khit knino... lam mo ung empty space lang... parang black hole... mnsan iniisp ko na... bkit kya ganun? lang dumarating... o bka nmn nsa akin ang problema... bka nmn kc ako ang hndi marunong tumingin... hai... ewan... cguro sanayn nga lng tlga... at msasabi ko na nsnay narin nmn ako... ilng taon nrin eh... haha.. newei im still young p nmn... i still have alot ahead of me... i may not even see a glance of "someone" ryt now... but hopefully i will see "someone" in the future...

heck! i always say that patience is a virtue... so then i will be patient.. ^_^

i may have let a few people pass by... i may not know what could have happened... but no regrets... for i know that the reason why we do certain things is because that was what we believe we must do at that very moment... thats why, im trying to format myself not to regret anymore...

wat is done is done... i wont be able to turn back time... so i'll just look ahead and try not to look back...


and besides... i'll never miss wat i never knew...

g'nyt... (",)