November 11 and 12 ... OJT 101

NOVEMBER 11.2008

log in: 1pm
log out: 7:23pm

nagdelineate si sir louie ng tasks today...
andami nmin kailangn maaccomplish... uber! we have two major projects coming up.. and we a the photoshoot this saturday... rarr..

as usual ang assignment ko ay mglayout...
pwo katulad kahpon.. di ako nglayout today...
pwo ng text blast naman ako...at ngupload ng layout sa frenster account ng philippine models weekend sa frenster...
tinanong ako ni sir kung maaga ako papsok bukas.. ang sabi ko 1pm..
well, bka may ipagwa na xa tomorrow...


well kung ganun e di mganda! :D
hehehehe....


NOVEMBER 12, 2008

log in: 1pm
log out: 7:30 pm

gumawa ako ng layout ng billing pra sa Guess Co. dhil sa services namin sa knila..
sumagot ng phone at as usual mge models namin un, ngtatanung kung anu mngyayri sa saturday november 15, sa photoshoot na ggwin namin for them...
haha...
excted na ako pasa sa saturday...
kc marami n nmn ako makilala.....
yehee!!!!!

Hoping for the saga to continue.... xD

"Its about love, hate, sacrifice, friendship, family, decision, destiny... disparity and harmony all at the same time... "

the Twilight Saga is something more than four books... it goes beyond the life and love of the red-head girl Isabella Swan and golden-eyed vampire Edward Cullen... it transcends time itself... reading it is more like magical, its more than just another piece of literature... its perfect... even beyond perfect!

I can say that reading Twilight alone won't suffice, it will keep you begging for more... its kinda addicting... but its worth it! and even at the last page of Breaking Dawn... you'll wish that... that it wont end...no yet... not just yet...not ever! you'll wish that their life and love story... that the saga will continue on and on... and i doubt if you'll ever get tired of reading it...

I've read hundreds of books... im a self-proclaim book addict... i adore works of judith mcnaught to mitch albom, from paolo coelho to anne rice... from rl stine to john grisham... and obviously i'm not picky on books.., i read everything i get my hands on... finished the harry potter saga twice!...
but reading Stepehenie Meyer's work... is a totally different experience...

i still have a huge hangover from it.., thou i'm done with the saga yesterday...

honestly, it made me cry... wanna know why? secret... read and figure it out...

I'm glad i read the book.... its worth every added eye bag i got...


hahahaha....


I love Renesmee.... hahahaha!
I so want to be like her!

November 10... OJT 101

log in: 1:53
log out: 7:10

nalate ako pumasok sa ofis kanina...nalate ng isang oras... dhil diko maiwann ung bahay namin dhil walng ngbbntay at wala si mama...

suppose to be umaaalis ako ng 12 pm... pwo kanina ualis ako ng1pm... nkakahiya nga eh... kc yaw ko malate... kaya tumwag n lng ako sa boss ko.. at naintndhn nmn niya... psalamt tlga ako at mabait ng sir louie!!! thank God!!!

so aun nga... pgdating ko... tinulungan ko sa gillian ung ka-intern ko sa pageedit... xa daw kc pingedit kc late daw ako.. rarr... so tinulungan ko xa... wala nmn ako assignment today kc... marami kailngn gwin s computer na mas importante sa ilalayout ko dpt kya bukas n lng daw... ok lng nmn... so aun... ngcompany call si sir... malapit na kc ung project namin with GUESS... so nghahakot na kmi ng mg tao na "beautiful poeple" para pumunta.... libre ang drinks... open bar kumbaga... pati chicha... may fashion ng 7pm taz pgtapos nun... party2x na...

at pupunta ako.. dhil kailangn... kung ako ang papipiliin.. ayuko sana kc... im not into bars... i prefer coffee... tska gastos sa pamasahe... wkekeke... barat ko tlga...

so nagpost na ako sa multiply ko kanina ng invitation...
sana marami akong mainvite... pwo sa tingin gagaitin ko powers ko para mgwa un... wkekeke!

pingdadala ri ako bukas g mga old toys.. para sa Jollibee toys for christmas kembot nila... so dadalhin ko ung isang stuff toy ko... :D
mgdadala rin ako ng mga magazines... kailngn pgbasehan pra sa daratin na photoshoot sa saturday ngmga models namin... o dba? ang shala... whahaha!

ng-out ako ng 7:10... nakauwi sa bhay ng alas-otso... kumain... ngnet... at eto ngbblog na...


hai naku.... sana lng mging okay lht ng projects namin.. God help us...

:D

Yoohoo....Sir Don....

I've been stalling... not the first time though! ha!

since this is where sir don will figure the things I'd do everyday at the office... I'd better welcome him formally... so

SIR RACIDON PALOMINO BERNARTE... from the bottom of thugging heart... WELCOME TO THE BRAT'S PLACE.., ECA'S ultimate emotional garbage paradise... hahaha...

i'm just so painfully sorry not to write here soon... the culprit for this crime is non other than my isp's turtle-like connection.... rarr.... sorry again...

okay, so where do i start?

place: dyna media productions, owned by the radio partners inc. paragon plaza, boni.
boss: sir louie cano..
started: october 27, 2008
shift time: from1pm to 6pm...

i began my ojt last, last last monday., it was the 27th day of october... there's suppose to be five PUPians there, namely vernon, mart, rj cado me and tracy, but Sir Louie's mind changed and trimmed us down to two... so rj and i remained there together with five other internees from san sebastian recoletos...

and we began, i began working my shifts there... its actually from 1pm to 6pm...

a little tiring but nontheless fun...

for the whole week of oct 27-29 and 31, nov 5, 6, and 7...aside from answering phone calls... i was assigned to do layouts for our upcoming project... PHILIPPINE MODELS WEEKEND... a project design to find potential models and give them training plus of course exposure...!

from letterheads to email blast layouts... i was pressured to master Adobe Photoshop in no time... not that i dont have my share of editing in the past... but its kinda different coz its for work na...

but uber thanks to my uber great boss.. who's really not hard to please.. the reason why i try to come up with better layouts than the last... it seems that layouting is not that hard...

so most of my days are spent doing layouts... and reading fashion magazines..
my daily routine...
though i hate routines....
this routine is doing fine with me...

hahahaha...

and may God bless me...
coz its all just starting...

*rarr*

It's THE BRAT unlike BEFORE...

Magiisang taon na noong huli akong ngsulat para sa account ko dito sa blogspot...



maraming ngyari... hindi na ako ang Ericang ngsusulat dito noon...

maraming nagbago... hindi na issue ngaun sakin ang mga issueng ngpapiyak sakin noon...


maraming nawala... hindi ko na nararamdamn ang sakit na bitbit ko noon nung ngsimula ako dito...

maraming pumalit... hindi na magulo ang buhay ko, di tulad dati...

maraming natutunan... hindi na umiikot ang buhay ko para kayninoman...


umiikot na ito para sakin...




kung ilalahad ko dito ang laht ng ngyari sakin sa nagdaang labing-isang buwan... di ko magagawa...

dahil mayroong mga naganp na pinili ko ng kalimutan...




iba na ko ngaun, mas matapang, mas maraming dunong, mas matatag...
mas tahimik ang buhay, mas walang iniisip... dhil di na ako nasasaktan...




aaminin ko, inumpisahan ko itong blog na ito sa gitna ng pangungulila ko ng karamay sa aking mga kalungkutan... gusto ko kc ng may mapgsasabihan... ayokong itago ang lahat, nakakbaliw! nakakapraning... mhirap na...



ngunit natapos na rin sa wakas ang kabanata ng buhay kong iyon... matagal nrin itong natapos... mga ilng buwan na...



at nang natapos iyon, unti-unti kong binuo ulit ang buhay ko, dahan-dahan...
mahirap, dhil nagkakakalaskalas ang mga piraso nito sa karimlan... nhirapan akong buuin ito, pwo nagwa ko naman... salamat sa Dyos...



iba na ako ngaun, tulog na ang kalahati ng pagkatao ko...
di ito masama, dhil sa ganitong paraan, tahimik na akong nabubuhay sa mundong ayaw prin akong tigilan... mga peste.. andaming peste...



iba na akong ngaun... masaya na ako... khit na alam ko, na ang naramdamn ko dati ay kaligayahan... msaya na ako ngaun... at mas sasaya pa ako... malapit na..




at kasabay ng pagbalik ko dito sa blogspot ay pagpalit ng kulay ng tema ng blog ko...
nangangahulugan na, pinalalaya ko na lht ng pinanghahwakan ko dati ng mhgpit...



dahil malaya na ako...




malaya na....

Voices

We can't hide sadness no matter how hard we try.


Angelica was walking half-way down the street where she parked her car the night before. She looked up and saw the impending rain, who was about to burst and again flood the streets with sadness and frustration. Drowning in her own thoughts she suddenly heard a young man, probably in his early twenties told her something weird.

the stranger said, "and lungkot nmn..."


She looked up and saw the man looking straight at her. Seeing him looking concern and harmless at the same time, she didn't mind him. She proceeded walking. But within her, the voices just wont stop talking, obviously she did mind what he said.


"ang lungkot nmn... ang lungkot nmn..." the voice of the stranger echoed endlessly.

"napansin nia na malungkot ako? mkha ba tlga akong malungkot? malungkot ba tlga ako?
ayoko mging malungkot... hndi dapt ako maging malungkot... this is my choice.... mine and mine alone... dont tell me hindi ko npaninindigan pangako ko, dont tell me kakainin ko sinabi ko...hindi..."

"anu ba tlga gusto mong gwin angelica?" Another voice said.

"gusto ko lng nmn maging masya, maging masaya khit wala na xa... i want my old life back... living without him... laughing not because of him... being happy not just by his existence... i want to learn... how to live like i used to...un lng..."

"un ba tlga ang gusto mo?" A familiar voice asked.

"hindi ko alam... hindi ko alam...cguro!"

"paano kung di tlga yan ang gusto mo?" The same voice asked again.

"bhla na... e di gugustuhin ko na lng...wla na akong magagwa pa...dhil gnwa ko n ang lht."


She unconsciously pulled out her key and slid it through the hole, pulled the door as she entered her car in a daze. she began to pull back her own thoughts and organize it.

"im better off this way! i cant afford to stay like that forever! Angelica, you have to go!" She shouted.

Her voice filled her car momentarily while it subsided to pure silence. She brushed her hair with her fingers while she started the engine as she sped away with her heart still beating but with a hole where he used to reside.

And as she finally said goodbye to Joshua, one thing is for sure... she will find happiness... once again... one of these days.


Sa laht ng tumangkilik ng storya ni Angelica... dito na po muna mgttapos ang kwento niya... hangga't di pa ako nakakaisip kung panu ito ipgpapatuloy... hehehehehe... babalik po si Angel... panagako!!

promise

The sidewalk was wet.It was raining the whole night. There was a huge fog engulfing the place. it was blocking out all the sunshine wanting to get through. Wanting to get through her. Angelica all curled up in her nicely done bed staring blankly in the dark. Thinking. What would happen to her now? Why did she do that? Silence went on like forever until the sound of her telephone broke it into pieces.

Angelica: hello?

Gerald: Angel... musta na?

Angelica: *silent*... im going..

Gerald: where? sama ako!

Gerald then heard the stricken tone of her voice...

Gerald: what is wrong?

Angelica: im going away...

Gerald: ha? di kita maintindihan...

Angelica: im letting go...

Gerald: from where? or from whom?

Angelica: him.

Gerald: oh! him.... y?

Angelica: im so tired... i should have done this a long time pa...

Gerald: buti narealize mo na yan... lam na ba nia?

Angelica: yah...

Gerald: let me guess... no comment sya... at la syang pakialam...

Angelica: yah. She whispered.

Gerald: o e bkit ka gnyan? did u do something more than that...?

Angelica: i promised.

Gerald was dumbfounded. He now knew the gravity of the matter, Angelica never breaks her promises. She never did. Gerald was worried. He knew that this would not be easy. It wouldn't. But he will not leave her side. After all she is his closest friend.

Gerald: kaya mo yan Angel! ikaw pa! dont sulk... isipin mo na lang may dahilan ang lahat... party na lng tau...
san tau bukas?

Angel laughed at his proposal. She appreciates him...more than he would ever know. Then out of nowhere, a surge of strength ignited her half-alive senses... and realized that she has friends, real friends and she will be with them tomorrow evening and party like she never had.

Angelica: tell you what? yah! i can do this! Embassy 10pm... call them up... see u there!

She put the phone down and went outside. At last, Sunshine broke the gates of the depressing Fog. Angelica walked out into the sun, and let herself bathe in the warmness of the light. She felt better. And knew that with the right dose of encouragement and control, she knew she can fulfill her promise... after all, she has no choice.



This is the second episode of Angelica. hope you liked it as well...

stranded heart

Angelica was surfing through the channels when all of sudden she stopped by Cube TV.. it was playing the music video of Alipin... she suddenly became sullen and put her head down on the table and felt the pain she thought was not there.., she remembered her dream the night before...

in the dream:
Angelica overheard Joshua and Richard talking.

Richard: kayo na daw sabi nga niya..

Joshua: *silence*

Angelica: ei may girlfriend kna? im happy for you!

would she be really happy if in reality Joshua will find someone new, would she be strong enough to face it?, Angelica thought.
she kept her head down while letting the pain into her system. the song still playing in the background fueling her emotions.. prolonging the moment... cradling her agony. she misses him and she knows that. she wants to be brave or try to act like one. she wants to forget him. she wants him out her life. she wants to start anew; with or without him it doesn't matter! she has to move on.

Angelica allowed the song to end, after which she got up from her seat, carried her dishes to the sink. made a joke out of the roasted chicken her mom is cooking and made her way to her room. took a pen and a paper and wrote:

i can do this.
i will do this.
i have to.
have to save myself.
must kill the pain.
must not go back.
must throw him out my heart.
its been too long.
i have to live,
like i did once before.
have no choice,
but to say goodbye.
for the last time.
for good.

Angelica clung on to the paper as if for dear life. she has to stop loving him.
she knew that, as tears rolled down her sober face.


enjoyed reading it? i enjoyed writing it too... hehe... who is angelica? she is my latest fictional character. through this short written episodes i shall bring her to life.
tahtah...

no regrets. no qualms. no nothing.

hoorah! im back...and armed! :D

a month had passed, my last entry was about not giving up while going through hell... well guys, guess wat.. those times were tough, but im here... writing... i mean typing... hehe.

so much for that, masaya ako sa naging kinalbasan ng play namin, ng ONAKULEOM... masaya ako kc once again natalo ko ang sarili ko... kala ko hindi matatpos ung storya... kala ko hindi un sasapat... salamat kay Mart,, ang partner ko sa pagsusulat...kc kung wala xa... wala akong motivation, wala akong kasamang mgbrainstorm, wala akong kakampi at wala rin akong kaaway... the script went through alot... sobra! pero syempre, salamat kay Yahweh kc he gave me the ryt ideas at the ryt time... para sa akin, isa ito sa mga achievements ko... kc i wont deny na summer plang pinangarap ko nang magsulat ng isang play na gagamitin sa drama fest... hihi..

but then again, nung panahon na ng pilian... sadly, things turned out bad for me... kc i got sick and all... then i let go... inisip ko na kung hindi nakatadhana para sakin... hindi mangyyri... but in the end it happened... against everything, nangyari itoh... sa tulong ng mga taong naniniwala sa kakayahan kong magsulat at syempre kay Yahweh.. :D

i know i never got to say how grateful i am to my classmates.... thats why... i wanna say thank you now... sa mga naniwala sakin at pati narin sa mga nagduda... kc after everything, i know i did my best...
no regrets. no qualms. no nothing... kya thank you! :)


im not working na pla ulit... kc pinili ko ung play... kc i have to choose between work or studies... it may sound so simple. but it wasnt. the real deal was... i had to choose between my duty or my passion...
i chose my passion.
i chose wat will make me happy.
so...
i chose to write. period.
no regrets. no qualms. no explanations. no nothing.


and so now im back to my old life... back to prepping up and dont forget make-up! back to senseless but laughter-packed tete-a-tetes... and of course... back to studying!

so now, im again a regular college student minus the attitude! hahaha!
these days, i may not have the luxury of spending too much, always in a tight budget like it used too... less starbucks. less gimicks. less fine dining. but not less fun! i know ive made the right decision and though things at home are a bit rough... i know... just like i use to say... i know everything will be okay... Yahweh wont desert me. *wink*

again, no regrets. no qualms. no nothing.

i wan not born to give up!!!!!

hindi ko ikakaila.. im in the stage of my life where nothing seems ryt all of a sudden... i have so many problems...

sa family, school, socially, emotionally, physically...

im losing grip... feeling ko konti na lng... pwo i know i should not give up...

i was not born to give up!!! ive been thru so much in the past... nagun pa ba ako susuko...? e nung ngksakit ako for fifteen years di nga ako sumuko eh...nagun pa kya? duh... no!!! i resist! i insist! i will break thru! i will survive!! i know everything will alright in the end! i know...i just know... di ako pinabayaan ng Dyos.. and he wont desert me this time!!!!!!!!

jia you simsim!!!! jia you!!!!


just believe... i just hve to believe,,, endurance is the key!! panu na lng kung ako ang sumuko?? panu na??

losing grip..

matagl narin akong hindi nkpgsulat dito sa blog ko..mga ilang linggo nrin... hhmm...

the last time i wrote in here was wen i was physically dying... and now im writing to you agen dying... emotionally dying... but not like in the past wen i was really dead... this time.. its kinda mellow but it still affects me...

im having this dilemma of how to deal with the pain of being stuck in between... being stuck in between right and good, responsibility and duties and the feelings of the past and present...

the agony of not knowing where i should stand or go is tormenting... if i were to choose i'd rather be sleeping like before, stagnant like a water in a pond. independently making her own style and life...

now tell me... where should i go? what should i ought to feel? should i be moving forward or should i be taking a step back... tell me...

clamourings of a very sick girl!!!

hai... apat na araw na akong may fever... sunday ng mdaling araw pa un ngstart on and off itoh.. sa hapon nwawala xa pwo sa gabi upto madalng araw ang taas ng fever ko... kanina, ngpacheck na ako for typhoid and then tomorrow for dengue namn... gusto ko ng pumasok... sa school at sa work... nabuburo lng ako dito lalo lng ako ngkksakit.. ito na so far ang pinkagrabe kong sakit kc normally di nmn ako dinadapuan ng sakit eh... cguwo bumaba ng sbra ung immune system ko kya ngksakit ako.. miss ko na coc.., mga frens ko.. kakhiya nga kc bgla akong ngtago... e kc nmn khit bumangon sa kama di ko kaya.. khit mglkad ng mhba-hba npapagod na ako..


sana nmn la akong complications na severe.. kc ayoko ma-ospital... dahil it reminds me of my papa... gusto ko ng pumasok!! gusto ko ng mgwork! sana by fri or monday pwede na ako bumalik... sabi sa medical certificate ko ang initial findings sa akin ay Systematic Viral Infection VS Typhoid Fever R/o Urinary Tract Infection. balak pa ata nila ako iadmit! AYOKO NGA!!!! oo!! mtigas ang ulo ko!! ayoko mgpaadmit!!! kya nga pla gising pa ako hnggng ngaun kc feeling ko sa twing humihiga ako o kya ntutulog bumabalik ung lgnat ko... kya ayoko matulog... kya naisipan ko na lng mgblog...



iddrop ko n nga pla ung sbjct kong polgov and stats.. la ako matutunn sa knila.. kukunin ko na lng sa summer... at least mkkpgfocus ako... :D pra rin khit papanu mbgyn ko ng atensyon ung major play ng class, para makatulong... :D kc headache tlga akin ung 2subjects na un eh!!! ang BWISIT ang mga TEACHERS!!!!!


ayokong matulog!! ayokong matulog! ayokong matulog!!! wwwaaahhh!!!


nga pla... ive had sme realizations... narealize ko na... kaylngn ko n tlga xang pabyaan...kc he doesn't care about me... and that's the saddest truth... :(

i'm sad.

so... im back.. after a few days im back...

i actually have nothing on my mind... i mean mron nmn pwo i dnt wna ryt about it...

nalulungkot ako kc umuulan, ilng arw na alang pasok.., ilang araw n ako alng gnagwa...
six days na kmi di nguusap... la lng nalulungkot lng ako.. pwo i'll get by...

i'm sleepy... matutulog na ako... kc sa panaginip lng kmi nguusp eh... *sigh*

nyt...

again, i lost my life when i lost....

i ges khit ayaw mong iwan ng isang tao, pag xa na misimo humingi nun,,ibibigay at ibibigay mo khit masakit,,, umalis n nmn ako ulit,,sabi nia eh... mgpapalaboy-laboy na naman... san na nmn kaya ako makakrating..? panu kya ako ulit ako mabubuhay? hindi na bale... may rason ang lahat... kagaya ng dati... ipauubya ko n lng ulit sa Dyos...

malungkot ako, nasasaktan, feeling ko wala n nmn ang puso ko... kc for the second time pinaalis n nmn nia ako sa buhay nia.. kc for the second time hindi na nia ako ulit kailangn,,, cguwo nga mali ako kc kala ko kailngn nia ako...hindi na pla... pero bakit ganun? parati na lng xa ganun? ginagawa nia akong basahan... tapos la xang pakialam kung nsasaktan na ako... la xang pakialm kung nagagalit na ako... basta ggwin nia lht, susundin nia ng utos ng utak nia khit na may naissantabi na xa... sna hindi na lng xa insensitive.. sna di nalang xa cold.. sna khit mnsan mrmdmn ko na may pakialam xa sa feelings ko... sana di n lng xa bumalik, kung uulitin lng pla nia ung gnwa nia dti... hindi nmn nia ako ppigilan kung umalis ako eh...la rin xa pakialm kung bumalik ulit ako, conceited xa sa feelings nia eh... kinakahon nia lahat... selfish ka!

anu pa bang dapt kong gawin para iparmdam sau na may isang taong ngpapahalaga sau ng sobra?? magpakamatay? uminom ng lason? la na akong ibng alam gawin... i know i dnt know how to love perfectly,but im loving you as much as i know how to... sabi nla di ka worthy sa affection n bnbgay ko... na dapt na kitang isantabi at humanap ng iba na papahalagahn rin ako... tama sila! di ka nga worthy...kc ang baba prin ng turing mo sakin...khit anung gawin ko... ung ibng frens mo pag kelangn ka nila, agad2x mong sasamhn, pwo ako... khit malapit ko na isuko lht,khit na di ko na kaya... di mo ako msamhn... you would just want me understnd that u cnt help me... dba unfair un? db?
u want me to understnd u always... but does it occur to you even for a single moment that i need u to understnd me also? that i really need you when i say i need you? selfish ka nga... tanga nmn ako... di ako ung tipo ng tao na humihingi ng kapalit..pwo sana ang gusto ko lng importnsya...khit konti.. kc mahalga un sakin eh...

at this very moment, im not mad... im just dead... dead from sadness... immobilzed by tears... and corrupted,for once again... you sent me away...so casually...




sbi mo u'll change na,,, gift mo un sakin nung birthday ko dba? san na gift mo? :(

**you wouldn't want to be in my shoe....**

"bakit ko pa susbukan na iwan ka at mabuhay ng wala ka kung alam ko namang hindi ko kaya..?!"

im in daze the whole day... alam ko marami dpt akong gawin, pwo hindi ko nagawa...
nanuod lng ako ng TV buong araw... ang dami kong iniisp...^_^

im worried about him....ayoko ung ganito! na hindi ko lam kung anu ngyyri sa knya..kung asan xa! ayaw na ayaw kong umalis sa tabi nia na alam kong mayroon xang dinaramdam... natatkot ako sa kung anong pwedeng nyang gawin... damn, naiiyak na ako! :(

hindi ko alm kung anu ngyyri sakin...pero buong arw na ito! i can't seem to get my mind off him! i'm worried, that's all i know... scared and worried...

my dream last night, it wasn't good... he told me that's he's leaving... than i woke up having a painful heart. i don't want him to go... i just can't go on without him... for as long as i know he needs someone, i can't go and i wouldn't want him to go... the mere thought of him leaving scares me, i can't see him go away,, not again...

i know im being selfish! i know that! the world can call me selfish, conceited... anything! but still, they won't understnd how i feel... how much i treasure him... how much he means to me... well,i can let him go if i want to...i'll just tell him to go and that i'll be fine... but i cant! i dont want to! coz i know that i won't be alright! i wont be alright!!!! for once, i want the one person who matters to me stay... stay... my father left me when he died... my bestfriend did when he migrated... i was nver the same..!

important men in my life seem to have a pattern,and that is too leave me... and now that i can decide if he shall stay, then why the hell would i allow him to go? why?
tell me...?

i'm so sorry for being selfish... i just cant let him go...again...
i'm sorry...

my past comes hurling back...

ai nakakhiya nmn ako... mahigit two months na pla nung huli akong nagsulat dito... paxenxa..

newei, san ba ako mgsisimula? ...hindi ko alam...hhaaii... nakakahiya tlga...

o cge,, uumpsihan ko sa nangyri kanina...

a while ago, i was looking at nathaniel's profile...and ive decided to give him a commnt.. ang sbi ko dun,,, "musta kna thaniel? its been a long time..npadaan lng ako sa profile mo.. take care.." taz nisip ko bigla... 'shit.. xa ung dati kong mahal.. ung taong nagpsaya at nagpalungkot ng buhay ko dati...' mahal na mahal ko un dati sobra... ni hindi ko nga mabilang kung ilng balde ang naiyak ko dahil sa kanya... he left me so many memories... so fucking many... but at present, all i can remember are the good ones... maybe coz i dnt want to remmber the ones that made me cry... its true that memories are a good thing, if u just dnt have to deal with the past...

marami akong natutunan dhil kay nathaniel...natuto akong magmahl ng lubos, magbigay, at tanggapin ang katotohann na di lht ng minamahal ntin ay kaya rin taung mahalin... ive learned my leeson well enuf...

kanina hbng pngmamsdan ko ang picture nia, naisp ko na anu kya kung mhalin ko xa ulit? anu kaya kung bumalik ako sa buhay nia? anu kya? anu kya ang mangyayari sakin pag gnwa ko un? nkakatawa... hindi ko kya... ang hirap pla tlga bumalik sa nakaraan... its like i can't open my heart for him again...for his chapter in my life is through... at kahit na hinahayaang kong isipin na mhalin xa ulit, dhil cguro sa lam ko na kung panu, hindi prin!

pwo masya prin ako.. despite evrything,dhil may isang nathaniel ang dumting sa buhay ko, minahal, iniyakan at kinalimutan kung panu mahlin...

love nevr goes away... it only fades... i may not love nathaniel like i used to, but i know i still love him in some uncanny sort of way...

"hEaRt OvErHaUlEd...???"

my lifestyle changed nung ngtrabaho ako... well, bumaliktad ang araw at gabi ko... halos la na akong kain at matutulog na lng... di na ako nkakapanuod ng TV... di ko n alam kung anu ngyari sa nging election eh! di na ako nkakadlaw sa coc... umaalis na ako halos every saturday! uuwi ako ng madaling araw...!! di katuld ng dati na sa bahay lng ako.. magkakape lng ako sa starbucks,its either sa morato or araneta buong gabi... sabay hithit ng yosi,sarap.. pantanggal pagod... hekhek!!

this job opened many windows for me... more choices... more possibilities for love to come in... more waves of smile.. more people to talk to... more hi's and hello's... this is actually good..

anyway... may kilig moments ba ako these past few days...?? hhmm.. yoko mgsalita!! hekhek! cge na nga... meron... yah, mwon... pwo di ko n lng muna iisipin... keme lng un... but i wont deny na it made this week easier and happier for me... ^_^
the person im talking bout is not anyone that u know of... he is someone new... ^_^

i nid a new spice... a new heart... a new inspiration... a new "someone"... hahahaha... coz im sure that a new "someone" would definitely do me good... heart overhauled ba itoh? haha... y not? hekhek.. for a change namn...db? hekhek..

The long wait is over,,.. im sorry Twinkle...! ^_^

after almost one month... mgpopost ulit ako ng entry sa blog ko!! yipee...
u know wat... i miss doing this... sobra! pero kc khit gutso kong gumwa ng new entry... hindi kya ng utak at katwan ko... kc paguwi ko ng haus..diretso na ako kama at mtutulog na ako buong araw...dhil buong gabi...nsa work ako... paxenxa na tlga.. nahihya nga ako buksan ung blog ko eh...feeling ko ang laki ng kasalann ko kay Twinkle!

marami-rami nrin akong iniisp... marami nrin ang ngyri... pwo merong mga bgay na hndi ko alm kung papanu sabhin dito... pwo maguumpisa parin ako...

Work: ang status ko ngaun sa work...? probi na ako... employee na ako ng Winsource! and i got my first paycheck nung 15!! damn! im working na tlga! hahaha! nung una nhirapn ako sa work ko... kala nila madali ang call center,,,oi! hind ah! try kya nila mgsalita for 8 hours..!! anyway...sabi ko nga nhirpn ako nung una... pwo ngaun... im beginning to love it na! kc i've realized that walang mngyayari skin kung ko mamahalin ang trabaho ko...mapalad na ako kc may work ako..! tska napamahal na sakin ung mga officemates ko!! sila carla, bj, zhy, mark, pj at marami png iba..!! ^_^ but the question is...di ko lm kung hanggng kelan lang ako.. kc yoko mginterfere ung work ko sa studies ko eh,,, kc mas importnte prin ung studies ko.. pwo i'll cross the bridge when i get there na lng...basta ang mahalaga..lam ko kung anu dpt kong gwin... hehe!

Elite: hai! as usual!! kung san2x n nmn mi nkkpnta!! khit may work, wlang keme yan! no prob! bsta hinila ng paa...gora lng! fred and i are in the same account.. while sey is in another... kimmy, is making her way to and fro sa haus ng cousins nia! darlyn...i just know i miss her... :( i miss that daughter of mine... :( bibat, have no idea...ang lam ko lng ngwowok xa sa oneglobal... guilly, our next birthday boy! sa sat...diretso kmi sa Bataan after work! para sa celebration nia!! haha! elden, i just hope she is okay... :( jm..aun...araw2x ko prin tintwgn sa haus nila pwo la nmn xa...o kya tulog... hekhek... kael,my bunso! he is enjoying summer!! that im sure! aiko..in the middle of making her first novel!! see? elite eh! rj, sowi! total peformer na ngaun ang pamangkin ko!! si jayson..kaxama si darla kya panatag ang kalooban ko na okay lng sila... si gemxon...ang huling balita ko..ngwowork narin xa,, si hazel, last week ko xa huling nakachat eh... si minggay,i have no idea kung san na ung anak kong un!! huhuhu! si masaru...i just he is okay rin...sna ok lng sila dalawa ni den... at si mart????? si mart...???? ok lng nmn ata.. nung isang araw xa huling ngtext...ewan ko kung nsan un ngaun...

At yan ang latest news as Elite! haha... actually latest yan aun sa akin pgkakaalam.. hekhek! kc ako mismo naiiwnn na ng panahon eh... hekhek...


one thing ive learned from the past month,,, whenever may hinain sau ang buhay... take it! enjoy it! try to love it... kc may purpose lht un eh! khit na mhirpn ka, sa una lng yan... alisn mo lht ng agam2x mo... then slowly... u will learn to accept, slowly u will begin to realize that... life is REALLY fun! it isnt ufair... its just how u deal with it!

ngpapasalamt ako sa aking trabaho,sa mama ko at sister ko, sa akng trainor na si sir john, sa aking TL na si maam violan at sir mickey... sa aking elite, kay mart... for helping me realize these things... for helping me gain more undrstndng...much more than i've wanted to.. and xempre kay Yahweh! muah!

Recon???

opo... tama po ang nabsa mo sa naunang entry ko knina... "sabi namn skin ni elias..." elias...

yah.. sa mga constant readers ko.. at mga frenships ko... cguwo iniisp nio kung ok na kmi... kc obviously we had a conversation dba? well... im thinking of not disclosing everything here kc may makakabasa... duh? to think na blog ko itoh noh... and ang lakas ng loob ko na mgname ng names in the past...

uhmm... damn... parng ang chicken ko na!! humpf!! cge na nga! mgsasalita na ako... ^_^

if truth be told... after i posted my entry last april 5, entitled thinking things through... ngsawa na tlga ako... un ung last straw... two weeks passed then he called me up asking for my help...to find a certain number... we talked and laughed like we used too... its as if nothing happen... nothing ever happened... pati ako na-amaze eh, inisip ko... panu ngyari un? hahaha... and i was bewildered after that phone call... xmpre as a good person, hinanap ko ung number... and since nagpapahinga ung mga satellite ko... nahirapn akong hnpn ung owner ng number... i called him up after a few days telling him na di ko mhnp... twanan ulit... kwento... di katuld nung dati pag nguusap kmi... noong ang gulo2x pa... actually... msaya ako kc khit papanu... it went well in the end... at alam ko na...si Yahweh ang may gawa nito...

the next night... ngkasundo kmi ng mgkita sa Shang.. ksama ko si fred at sey... i waited for one hour... ni anino ni elias... di ko nkita... but when i was waiting there alone... i knew he would come... khit na lowbat na ung two phones nia... at di ko xa macontact... still i knew na darating xa... i found out na late xa ininterview... kya late xa nkpunta... nangaway pa xa guard sa Shang...
i dunno... khit mtgl na kmi di nguusp...at dumating sa punto na di ko na xa kilala... na yaw ko na xa makilala... na sobra na ung mga nyari sa amin... still... sitting there alone in Shang, half scared and half worried... narealize ko na i still have faith in him... na he would come...come what may...like before...

nung sat ng gabi... umalis ako,si kim,fred,sey at xa... pnta kmi g8way... nag ukay2x, then uminom kmi ng coffee sa starbucks... it was then when i saw him laughing again... at hndi ako natawa dhil sa rason kung bkit xa tumatawa, tumawa ako dhil nkita ko xang tumatawa...well it has been a long time...6 months...

ok... itoh na ang mga present views ko sa mga ngyari...

im happy kc for no reason... prng out of the blue... ngprmdm ulit si mart... pati kela kimmy... ngttxt na xa ulit... hndi ko na mkita ung barrier na naktayo sa gitna namin dati...sa gitna nia at elite... di ko nrin mrmdmn ulit ung coldness between us... ung coldness na nakakapatay... he is warm again... anu kaya nakain nia...? i wnt to know... naumpog kya..? sana nahalata nia kung ganu namin xa namiss, kung gano kami enjoy ksma xa... kung gano kmi ngcacare...even though we are different...!

masaya rin ako kc... God took away more than half of my pains, before ngprmdm ulit si mart... kc kung hndi.. nku... Goodluck... sbi ng isang fren ko... i wont name that person na lng... sabi nia... "may kulng prin xa kc di prin nia narerealize lht ng gnawa niang mali..."... ang akin nmn... i know we still have alot to talk about... i just dont know when, how and where to start... but we still have to talk... now pa na di ko n mhnp ung more than half of my anger... kya mas peaceful na ako ngaun... hahaha! spoiled prin sakin si mart... pwo yayo ko ulit xa... joke! hahaha!

before i sleep... i wnt to add something... i am not where i used to stand... things are not the same... and i know that... i lost something very importnt... and i dnt know if i can still get it back... but this is for sure...once na mawala ung essence ng friendship... mahirap na...

help me i'm drowning....

im so sorry twinkle!! it has been a long time since i posted my last entry here... kc ang daming life-changing experience ang ngyari sa life ko eh... at dahil sa mga ngyri na itoh... gusto ko ng sumabog!! haii!! grabe... let me start with...

last2x thursday.... ngumpisa na ung training ko for work... it will last for a month, at ngaun nsa incubation period na ako... ang hirap sobra,... kung kala nio madali ang call center mali kayo... mali.. nakakapressure.... ang sarap bumitaw... kung di lng para sa family ko... kung di ko lng sila iniisip,kung id lng sa gola ko na isang DVD cam... di na ako papasok... di nmn kc ako sanay mgwork eh... kc nga dba brat ako... nung isang arw...minura ako ng isng customer na tinawagan ko... ang sabi p nmn... "for a while dude...there's a fucking asshole on the other line..." e ako ung nasa other line eh... the moment na binaba ko ung call... i want to get out of ryt then and there.. i want to flee ang go home... di nmn ako mkaganti.... matatanggal nmn ako sa work...kya grabe...nkatingin n lng ako sa screen ng monitor na kala mo tutulo na luha ko... at ngaun... mmya pasok na nmn... 1'll be taking calls for 8hours... i'll start by 9pm upto 5am...maglologout ng 6am... mkakarting ng haus ng 7am... gosh... anh hirap kc bago plng ako and i havent found the perfect strategy to get constant tranfers... and i have to really figure something out before shit comes!!!!

sabi nmn sakin ni elias.... na i should be thankful kc may work ako unlike ung mga nkksama nia nung interview nia na college graduates pwo di nkpasa... i know nmn eh... im grateful nmn tlga... mkha lng akong ingrate pwo grateful tlga ako... its just that... im not used to working... and first call center... i know i must do good... and i will do good... i will find a way... cguwo... naninibago prin ako... i have to get the hang of it... the ins and out... ASAP!!! or else... di ako tatagal...

biruin mo pag nasa post kna... kailngn focus ka... kailangn di ka kakabahan... di ko lm kung mageexcel ako dito... kailngn ko mageffort... my gesh.... gusto ko tumigil ung oras... o kya ung mundo..... let me breathe!! aaaahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!